Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Taken Care Of
I had a dizzy spell rendering me useless. I couldn't drive; I couldn't move without feeling the world is collapsing. Dr. TGIASE had planned on going to a meetup thing, but decided to stay in with me. This was exactly what I wanted that I never got from the asshole ex. Even though I didn't need Dr. TGIASE to physically take care of me, the gesture was a very moving one. It cultivated a sense of "in sickness and in health". By doing so, he was also signaling his priorities. As time goes on I wouldn't mind as much if Dr. TGIASE goes out while I am sick. However, in the beginning of the relationship, these are the types of gestures a girl would like to see. Well done, Dr. TGIASE, and thank you!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Two Months
It really felt like I've known Dr. TGIASE for ages, but in reality I've only known him for two months. So far we've had one fight, meaning both parties got annoyed/angry enough to participate. I've gotten annoyed/angry with him twice. Once I voiced my annoyance/anger and the situation was resolved. The other time I wasn't sure if I was just over reacting, so I slept on it. I over reacted and felt better the next day, hence no need to talk to him about it.
By Dr. TGIASE's own admission, he usually loses interests at month five. I knew that someone who came onto me so strongly usually loses interests quickly. The bigger the fire, the quicker it burns. The Addict I dated last year lost interests after about three months. This admission delayed Dr. TGIASE from becoming boyfriend until mid-March.
But for now, we are pretty happy.
By Dr. TGIASE's own admission, he usually loses interests at month five. I knew that someone who came onto me so strongly usually loses interests quickly. The bigger the fire, the quicker it burns. The Addict I dated last year lost interests after about three months. This admission delayed Dr. TGIASE from becoming boyfriend until mid-March.
But for now, we are pretty happy.
Monday, November 14, 2011
The perfect OKcupid message
According to Okcupid, this would be the perfect message I send in the future to guys:
What's up. You mentioned a band called Metal Zombie. That's awesome. I am not an atheist.
I am going to test the effectiveness of this message.
What's up. You mentioned a band called Metal Zombie. That's awesome. I am not an atheist.
I am going to test the effectiveness of this message.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
One Month
I have known Dr. TGIASE for a whole month, and we are still talking, and we still like each other (gasp!)!!
About two weeks ago I told him about one of my deepest, albeit irrational, fears. His actions were very considerate of my deep irrational fear, yet he made fun of me about that every time in the following week. At that point I've gotten to know him well enough to know that he meant no harm in his mocking of me. I've also learn to judge a person on his actions rather than words. Still, it bothered me tremendously that he'd mock my fear. I wasn't ready to have that mocked, yet.
I slept on it for a week to decide if it's really bothering me, or if it's just a power struggle thing. It really bothered me, and the mocking countered all his good actions and made my fear worse. So I told him that it hurts me when he mocks my fear. He apologized, and said he wouldn't do it again.
He hasn't. And his actions continue to show consideration and care.
I find myself more vocal with him about my needs. I do wonder if he's secretly put off by my needs and started walking around me on eggshells. Time will tell.
But that's the worst thing happened so far in the relationship, and from my perspective, we navigated that quite successfully. Happy one month!
About two weeks ago I told him about one of my deepest, albeit irrational, fears. His actions were very considerate of my deep irrational fear, yet he made fun of me about that every time in the following week. At that point I've gotten to know him well enough to know that he meant no harm in his mocking of me. I've also learn to judge a person on his actions rather than words. Still, it bothered me tremendously that he'd mock my fear. I wasn't ready to have that mocked, yet.
I slept on it for a week to decide if it's really bothering me, or if it's just a power struggle thing. It really bothered me, and the mocking countered all his good actions and made my fear worse. So I told him that it hurts me when he mocks my fear. He apologized, and said he wouldn't do it again.
He hasn't. And his actions continue to show consideration and care.
I find myself more vocal with him about my needs. I do wonder if he's secretly put off by my needs and started walking around me on eggshells. Time will tell.
But that's the worst thing happened so far in the relationship, and from my perspective, we navigated that quite successfully. Happy one month!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Dr. Boyfriend?
Dr. Clooney have to take the board exam this week, and I am out of town this week. Logistically it works out perfectly. He probably don't have time for dates. Yet for some reason I felt this guilt that I won't be around to send encouragement. Catholics step aside. The Chinese guilt can trump yours.
So when Dr. Clooney emailed me the day after our second date asking what he should do with the flowers he bought me, I conveniently suggested I'd bring him a present for his upcoming study in exchange. I know he has a sweet tooth, so I just wanted to bring him cupcakes. Partly good will, partly to ease my guilt.
Before I left my place I told myself over and over: I am not going to sleep with him tonight. I am NOT going to sleep with him tonight. So much for that. But I am a happy camper anyway.
Then Dr. Clooney referred to himself as my "boyfriend" in a sentence and asked if it's okay to use that term. I asked him what that meant for him. He said it meant that we are monogamous and we would see each other whenever we can. Isn't that what every girl wants to hear?
The woman inside was very happy about this DTR (defining of the relationship). The skeptic inside wondered if this was his way of not sounding like a sleazebag for seducing me. I am not exactly over the moon because:
1. I have had men who wanted to be monogamous with me very early on. It isn't any indication of the success rate of the relationship. The last time a guy wanted to be my boyfriend after the second date turned out to be a addict and clinically depressed. So I take this gesture with a grain of salt. After all, dopamine was running mad in his system when he uttered this. Only time will tell if he meant it.
2. I don't believe in a perfect mate. I don't know if these are red flags but definitely things I've observed that are perfect about him so far. Let me write them out for future reference:
a. When we were hiking up from the beach on our second date he didn't once looked back and make sure I am okay. Here we have an alpine climber and a weakling following. I don't know if I should stake that as a compliment because he so strongly believe in my strength, or as a dangerous sign that he isn't attentive. I attribute to the fact that he was the only child. As far as only child goes, I am the only one I've known who is more attentive to others. I behave like a middle child. Most only child are fairly self-centered and unattentive. On our third date he didn't ask me if I had eaten dinner when I arrived at his place at dinner time. I haven't. Later when I mentioned that I hadn't eaten dinner he didn't offer food or anything. I worry I'd become resentful to his unattentiveness.
b. Truth is, he isn't very inquisite about my life. One of the reasons why I fell in love with my ex was that he was inquisite about me: my life, my thoughts, and my opinions. I felt listened to when talking to my ex. I don't really felt listened to when I talk to Dr. Clooney. This is not a good sign after only three dates. I am putting this on notice.
I do believe that if two people are into each other, they shouldn't waste time dating around. Focus the time on each other and find out if they are truly compatible. If not, move on. So yes I will be monogamous with Dr. Clooney.
But when I call someone my boyfriend I consider the relationship serious. We are nowhere near that. So I will not call him my boyfriend willingly. He will be the guy I am seeing exclusively until otherwise notified. TGIASE. He will be Dr. TGIASE.
What I learned: resistance is useless.
Forth date: YES!
So when Dr. Clooney emailed me the day after our second date asking what he should do with the flowers he bought me, I conveniently suggested I'd bring him a present for his upcoming study in exchange. I know he has a sweet tooth, so I just wanted to bring him cupcakes. Partly good will, partly to ease my guilt.
Before I left my place I told myself over and over: I am not going to sleep with him tonight. I am NOT going to sleep with him tonight. So much for that. But I am a happy camper anyway.
Then Dr. Clooney referred to himself as my "boyfriend" in a sentence and asked if it's okay to use that term. I asked him what that meant for him. He said it meant that we are monogamous and we would see each other whenever we can. Isn't that what every girl wants to hear?
The woman inside was very happy about this DTR (defining of the relationship). The skeptic inside wondered if this was his way of not sounding like a sleazebag for seducing me. I am not exactly over the moon because:
1. I have had men who wanted to be monogamous with me very early on. It isn't any indication of the success rate of the relationship. The last time a guy wanted to be my boyfriend after the second date turned out to be a addict and clinically depressed. So I take this gesture with a grain of salt. After all, dopamine was running mad in his system when he uttered this. Only time will tell if he meant it.
2. I don't believe in a perfect mate. I don't know if these are red flags but definitely things I've observed that are perfect about him so far. Let me write them out for future reference:
a. When we were hiking up from the beach on our second date he didn't once looked back and make sure I am okay. Here we have an alpine climber and a weakling following. I don't know if I should stake that as a compliment because he so strongly believe in my strength, or as a dangerous sign that he isn't attentive. I attribute to the fact that he was the only child. As far as only child goes, I am the only one I've known who is more attentive to others. I behave like a middle child. Most only child are fairly self-centered and unattentive. On our third date he didn't ask me if I had eaten dinner when I arrived at his place at dinner time. I haven't. Later when I mentioned that I hadn't eaten dinner he didn't offer food or anything. I worry I'd become resentful to his unattentiveness.
b. Truth is, he isn't very inquisite about my life. One of the reasons why I fell in love with my ex was that he was inquisite about me: my life, my thoughts, and my opinions. I felt listened to when talking to my ex. I don't really felt listened to when I talk to Dr. Clooney. This is not a good sign after only three dates. I am putting this on notice.
I do believe that if two people are into each other, they shouldn't waste time dating around. Focus the time on each other and find out if they are truly compatible. If not, move on. So yes I will be monogamous with Dr. Clooney.
But when I call someone my boyfriend I consider the relationship serious. We are nowhere near that. So I will not call him my boyfriend willingly. He will be the guy I am seeing exclusively until otherwise notified. TGIASE. He will be Dr. TGIASE.
What I learned: resistance is useless.
Forth date: YES!
Friday, October 14, 2011
Dr. Clooney
Dr. Clooney is studying for his first borad exam; I am working a traveling full-time job while taking two classes. Neither of us have lots of free time. But we both want to spend time with each other. That's a good sign.
To be honest, as smitten as I was after the first date, I didn't really believe this was real. There are probably a total of three single intellectually stimulating guys who are financially viable and active and good looking in San Diego. The rest of them are just your typical dude-speaking surfing frat boys. What are the chances I met one of the three guys?? Is he a serial killer?? Is he going to disappear on me like so many seemingly great guys have? I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because of this, I kept resisting liking him too much.
Dr. Clooney called me the day after our first date. I was busy when he called so I didn't pick up the phone. At night I figured even if he's not real, I should still call back. I was anxious. I hate talking on the phone in general, and with Dr. Clooney I had performance anxiety. But I called anyway. He didn't pick up, and I had a mixed feeling of relief, disappointment, and "of course, he's not real". But he called back 5 minutes later. So we talked. It had its awkward moments, but we were on the phone for over an hour. I always measure a guy based on how long I can talk to him on the phone. All my long-term ex's I was able to talk on the phone with them for hours. This is a good sign.
So we decided on a Thai restaurant for our second date. I arrived at 6pm, walked up to the restaurant, and didn't see him. So I sat in the car, figured that rush hour traffic is probably holding him up. Then at 6:15pm I wondered if I was being stood up. Again, I had that mixture of feeling relieved, disappointed, and "of course, he's not real". Just as I was ready to call it a night and go home and study, he texted me then and asked me if everything was ok. Turned out he was sitting at the corner of the restaurant and I didn't see him the first time.
We proceeded to a walk on the beach and coffee. Did I seriously just go on a 5.5-hour second date with one of the only three great men in San Diego? When the hell is the other shoe going to drop? Am I still alive?
At the end of the night he asked me to go home with him and stay over. I really wanted to. Yes the one of the only three great men in San Diego is also very sexy. But I am doing a personal experiment these days to see if I can be less attached to a guy if I don't sleep with him too early on. Especially with a guy I still don't believe is real, I've got to protect my heart in case he just disappears in the wind. Having too much oxytocin in my system this early on is unwise. And I told him that. He seemed to take it well. So the other shoe didn't drop... Okay Dr. Clooney, let's have it, what the hell is wrong with you that you are available????
What I learned: pheromone aren't detectable in human (I am skeptical about this medical claim even when it comes from a physician-to-be).
Third date: scheduled.
To be honest, as smitten as I was after the first date, I didn't really believe this was real. There are probably a total of three single intellectually stimulating guys who are financially viable and active and good looking in San Diego. The rest of them are just your typical dude-speaking surfing frat boys. What are the chances I met one of the three guys?? Is he a serial killer?? Is he going to disappear on me like so many seemingly great guys have? I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because of this, I kept resisting liking him too much.
Dr. Clooney called me the day after our first date. I was busy when he called so I didn't pick up the phone. At night I figured even if he's not real, I should still call back. I was anxious. I hate talking on the phone in general, and with Dr. Clooney I had performance anxiety. But I called anyway. He didn't pick up, and I had a mixed feeling of relief, disappointment, and "of course, he's not real". But he called back 5 minutes later. So we talked. It had its awkward moments, but we were on the phone for over an hour. I always measure a guy based on how long I can talk to him on the phone. All my long-term ex's I was able to talk on the phone with them for hours. This is a good sign.
So we decided on a Thai restaurant for our second date. I arrived at 6pm, walked up to the restaurant, and didn't see him. So I sat in the car, figured that rush hour traffic is probably holding him up. Then at 6:15pm I wondered if I was being stood up. Again, I had that mixture of feeling relieved, disappointed, and "of course, he's not real". Just as I was ready to call it a night and go home and study, he texted me then and asked me if everything was ok. Turned out he was sitting at the corner of the restaurant and I didn't see him the first time.
We proceeded to a walk on the beach and coffee. Did I seriously just go on a 5.5-hour second date with one of the only three great men in San Diego? When the hell is the other shoe going to drop? Am I still alive?
At the end of the night he asked me to go home with him and stay over. I really wanted to. Yes the one of the only three great men in San Diego is also very sexy. But I am doing a personal experiment these days to see if I can be less attached to a guy if I don't sleep with him too early on. Especially with a guy I still don't believe is real, I've got to protect my heart in case he just disappears in the wind. Having too much oxytocin in my system this early on is unwise. And I told him that. He seemed to take it well. So the other shoe didn't drop... Okay Dr. Clooney, let's have it, what the hell is wrong with you that you are available????
What I learned: pheromone aren't detectable in human (I am skeptical about this medical claim even when it comes from a physician-to-be).
Third date: scheduled.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Dr. Clooney
Yes, this man will be a medical doctor one day.
No he is not 25. He's had a career before this.
Yes when he looks at me a certain way he looks just like George Clooney.
No these aren't the only reasons why I think he is awesome.
I met Dr. Clooney on the free internet dating site. I don't remember how I came across his profile. His profile picture is a bit blurry but I thought he looked like 劉清雲. His profile was nicely written.
When I come across an internet dating profile, I look at the main profile picture. If it's not terrible, I proceed to read the profile without looking at the rest of the pictures. If main profile picture is terrible or shows skin - I can't believe how many guys put their bare abdominal as the main profile pictures - I will see if this guy has some other pictures that are more representative. If I like how a guy's profile is written, I will also take a look at the other pictures. You know, just to make sure the face/body matches the brain.
I haven't worked out the exact science yet, but there are three general profiles categories:
1. The shallow-ish profiles where a guy lists out his favorite bands/movies/activities etc but nothing profound. If I don't go "hmmm" when reading the guy's profile, it falls in this category. I usually don't message these guys. If they message me I will oblige to see if I can dig something out.
2. The perfect profiles where after I read the profile I go: this man sounds perfect. However, I often don't know what to write in a message to him because all I can think of is "hey I feel the same way about everything you've written". It just sounds cheesy and too good to be true. I usually don't message these guys either. If they message me I am happy to have a discussion.
3. The profiles that are profound but also revealing, but also leaving a little room that intrigues me to find out more. Dr. Clooney's profile falls under this category. I liked what I read; I went "hmmm" a few times; and I have questions after I read the profiles. So I sent him a message.
My experience with online dating is that 95% of the time when I initiate contact, I don't get any reply back. When I asked my male friends about this they were always surprised. One of my friends asked me if I message guys too out of my league. I don't know. Maybe? The other 5% when I do get a reply, the guy usually just answer my questions but doesn't ask me any question back. Obviously he's courteous but he didn't find anything interesting to say about me. I have never actually went on dates with anyone I initiated contact with.
Dr. Clooney is the first one. I messaged him first; he replied with questions. We emailed each other a few times. He said he'd like to experience Oktoberfest, and I hinted that if he needed company I am willing and able to go. So we went on our first date to Oktoberfest. Does that mean I actually asked this guy out? Wow... I am so proud of myself right now.
First impression of Dr. Clooney? He's a bit shorter and stockier than my usual type, but I am not too focused on physical attributes. Does he have the intellects and characters and personality to make up for it? Well he does. He's very forward and constantly tells me how he feels about me. I can't tell if that's just what he does on every date, but it doesn't matter. That's for me to find out in the long term. In the short term I like to deal with a guy who's open about their feelings. If my last boyfriend was Mr. Big, Dr. Clooney is Aidan. I was caught off guard that I didn't have to sell my own kidney to extract a good word from this guy.
After Oktoberfest we went to walk around South Park. We sat on a street bench for hours and just talked and made out. This was probably the longest first date I've been on: a whooping 5.5 hours. Dr. Clooney seem interested, open, available, very smart, confident. All that plus his manners relieve a lot of my anxieties. I felt grounded on the date. I didn't feel the butterflies in my stomach like I felt with Mr. Sparks, but I now believe the butterflies were just a rush I got from figuring something out of a closed man. Dr. Clooney isn't a closed man.
What I learned: My learning style is visual.
Second date: he already asked me.
No he is not 25. He's had a career before this.
Yes when he looks at me a certain way he looks just like George Clooney.
No these aren't the only reasons why I think he is awesome.
I met Dr. Clooney on the free internet dating site. I don't remember how I came across his profile. His profile picture is a bit blurry but I thought he looked like 劉清雲. His profile was nicely written.
When I come across an internet dating profile, I look at the main profile picture. If it's not terrible, I proceed to read the profile without looking at the rest of the pictures. If main profile picture is terrible or shows skin - I can't believe how many guys put their bare abdominal as the main profile pictures - I will see if this guy has some other pictures that are more representative. If I like how a guy's profile is written, I will also take a look at the other pictures. You know, just to make sure the face/body matches the brain.
I haven't worked out the exact science yet, but there are three general profiles categories:
1. The shallow-ish profiles where a guy lists out his favorite bands/movies/activities etc but nothing profound. If I don't go "hmmm" when reading the guy's profile, it falls in this category. I usually don't message these guys. If they message me I will oblige to see if I can dig something out.
2. The perfect profiles where after I read the profile I go: this man sounds perfect. However, I often don't know what to write in a message to him because all I can think of is "hey I feel the same way about everything you've written". It just sounds cheesy and too good to be true. I usually don't message these guys either. If they message me I am happy to have a discussion.
3. The profiles that are profound but also revealing, but also leaving a little room that intrigues me to find out more. Dr. Clooney's profile falls under this category. I liked what I read; I went "hmmm" a few times; and I have questions after I read the profiles. So I sent him a message.
My experience with online dating is that 95% of the time when I initiate contact, I don't get any reply back. When I asked my male friends about this they were always surprised. One of my friends asked me if I message guys too out of my league. I don't know. Maybe? The other 5% when I do get a reply, the guy usually just answer my questions but doesn't ask me any question back. Obviously he's courteous but he didn't find anything interesting to say about me. I have never actually went on dates with anyone I initiated contact with.
Dr. Clooney is the first one. I messaged him first; he replied with questions. We emailed each other a few times. He said he'd like to experience Oktoberfest, and I hinted that if he needed company I am willing and able to go. So we went on our first date to Oktoberfest. Does that mean I actually asked this guy out? Wow... I am so proud of myself right now.
First impression of Dr. Clooney? He's a bit shorter and stockier than my usual type, but I am not too focused on physical attributes. Does he have the intellects and characters and personality to make up for it? Well he does. He's very forward and constantly tells me how he feels about me. I can't tell if that's just what he does on every date, but it doesn't matter. That's for me to find out in the long term. In the short term I like to deal with a guy who's open about their feelings. If my last boyfriend was Mr. Big, Dr. Clooney is Aidan. I was caught off guard that I didn't have to sell my own kidney to extract a good word from this guy.
After Oktoberfest we went to walk around South Park. We sat on a street bench for hours and just talked and made out. This was probably the longest first date I've been on: a whooping 5.5 hours. Dr. Clooney seem interested, open, available, very smart, confident. All that plus his manners relieve a lot of my anxieties. I felt grounded on the date. I didn't feel the butterflies in my stomach like I felt with Mr. Sparks, but I now believe the butterflies were just a rush I got from figuring something out of a closed man. Dr. Clooney isn't a closed man.
What I learned: My learning style is visual.
Second date: he already asked me.
Monday, October 3, 2011
The Man Who Spilled His Guts
Well more like he spilled his family stories. There is a Chinese saying 家醜不外揚, you keep your family mess to yourself. But The Man Who Spilled His Guts did just the opposite. In the hour-long lunch date I learned about his sister's marriage, his brother-in-law's alcoholic problem, his parents' marital problem, his brother's family issue. I imagine this is what watching Jersey Shore is like because I kept thinking: "are you for real? This happened? That happened??"
I met The Man Who Spilled His Guts on the free internet dating site. Our communication follows this pattern: blah blah blah OMG he said something so intelligent blah blah blah OMG that's insightful. He has his moments but inconsistent. We met at a burger joint that I wanted to try forever. He talked the entire time. The date was like listening someone narrates a soap opera while he pays for lunch. I like stories.
After the date he walked me to my car, and he sort of made fun of the size of my car. At that point my interest level was fairly low as in I don't mind hanging out with him again and listen to crazy stories if I am not seeing anyone. So I didn't even have enough respect for him to say anything back about his insult on my car. Why bother? My wiseass comments are for people who get them.
He's been texting me and trying to ask me out again. I haven't had the time. First I met this other awesome guy (more about that later). Secondly school + work is taking up my life. I didn't tell him to get lost. In fact, I still want to hear more crazy stories. I just told him I have no time right now. He's quite understanding. But even in our texting he will sneak in small insults about things. I am usually very good at insult comedy, giving or taking. But one has to know the object of insult very well to do insult comedy right. This guy isn't doing insult comedy; he insults me because he just doesn't get me.
So for now, he's on the back burner.
What I learned: the rehab doesn't automatically find you a half-way house.
Second date: I don't know...
*Update* since Dr. TGIASE and I decided to be exclusive, I didn't return the one message The Man Who Spilled His Guts sent to me. He never sent me another message. No more communication.
I met The Man Who Spilled His Guts on the free internet dating site. Our communication follows this pattern: blah blah blah OMG he said something so intelligent blah blah blah OMG that's insightful. He has his moments but inconsistent. We met at a burger joint that I wanted to try forever. He talked the entire time. The date was like listening someone narrates a soap opera while he pays for lunch. I like stories.
After the date he walked me to my car, and he sort of made fun of the size of my car. At that point my interest level was fairly low as in I don't mind hanging out with him again and listen to crazy stories if I am not seeing anyone. So I didn't even have enough respect for him to say anything back about his insult on my car. Why bother? My wiseass comments are for people who get them.
He's been texting me and trying to ask me out again. I haven't had the time. First I met this other awesome guy (more about that later). Secondly school + work is taking up my life. I didn't tell him to get lost. In fact, I still want to hear more crazy stories. I just told him I have no time right now. He's quite understanding. But even in our texting he will sneak in small insults about things. I am usually very good at insult comedy, giving or taking. But one has to know the object of insult very well to do insult comedy right. This guy isn't doing insult comedy; he insults me because he just doesn't get me.
So for now, he's on the back burner.
What I learned: the rehab doesn't automatically find you a half-way house.
Second date: I don't know...
*Update* since Dr. TGIASE and I decided to be exclusive, I didn't return the one message The Man Who Spilled His Guts sent to me. He never sent me another message. No more communication.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Mr. ONS
I define One Night Stand as sex with someone I randomly pick up. There was no pretense of a date. Just sex. Before this I had only one ONS. In Boston. Right after the last last breakup. It's just not my thing. Too much risk involved and usually not enough reward.
A college friend was coming to visit so a bunch of us went to a downtown Jazz bar. At the end of the night we were walking towards the car when this tall and handsome guy walked alongside us. I batted my eyes at him, and he responded. I was mostly trying to practice my flirting skills because apparently I don't give off a very strong "I am interested" signal. I didn't expect it to go anywhere but he followed us. I opened the gate to my flirts reservoir and boom, I was kissing this handsome tall guy on the street while he got my phone number. So my problem isn't that I didn't know how to flirt. I always thought talking to men about starting a business or some philosophical debate was flirting. Apparently to guys flirting is just batting eyes and leaning towards them. Pffft.
Well that was that for Mr. ONS. ONS. Meh.
What I learned: I know how to flirt.
No more communication.
A college friend was coming to visit so a bunch of us went to a downtown Jazz bar. At the end of the night we were walking towards the car when this tall and handsome guy walked alongside us. I batted my eyes at him, and he responded. I was mostly trying to practice my flirting skills because apparently I don't give off a very strong "I am interested" signal. I didn't expect it to go anywhere but he followed us. I opened the gate to my flirts reservoir and boom, I was kissing this handsome tall guy on the street while he got my phone number. So my problem isn't that I didn't know how to flirt. I always thought talking to men about starting a business or some philosophical debate was flirting. Apparently to guys flirting is just batting eyes and leaning towards them. Pffft.
Well that was that for Mr. ONS. ONS. Meh.
What I learned: I know how to flirt.
No more communication.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Mr. Adventures
Mr. Adventures kept asking me out. I kept avoiding him. This dance lasted a couple weeks. Finally Mr. Adventures asked me (via text): "The question is that do you want to see me again?" Straightforward, I like it!! So I wrote back exactly how I felt about him. His response? "Wow." I don't know what that means. Did I hurt his feelings? Well, people get their feelings hurt when dating. I am no exception. It's a risk one takes, so I can apologize, but it won't change anything. At the very least, I told him the truth instead of some BS, right?
He said if I do want to hang out again he'll be around. Then he changed his profile picture on the dating site to a rock climbing picture. How do I know? Because he kept looking at my profile about every other day. Oddly it's not creepy to me. But if all these couldn't balance the negative feelings I have towards him, nothing can. I will always think of Mr. Adventures fondly.
What I learned: he can be perfect but if there's no chemistry, there is no relationship.
No more communications.
He said if I do want to hang out again he'll be around. Then he changed his profile picture on the dating site to a rock climbing picture. How do I know? Because he kept looking at my profile about every other day. Oddly it's not creepy to me. But if all these couldn't balance the negative feelings I have towards him, nothing can. I will always think of Mr. Adventures fondly.
What I learned: he can be perfect but if there's no chemistry, there is no relationship.
No more communications.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
The Money Man
I met The Money Man on the free internet dating site. He got married since he was 18; had a daughter; fell out of love; stayed in the marriage until the daughter turned 18; and recently divorced. Why did I want to meet him? In our emails he suggested that I read Ayn Rand. I've always wanted to read Ayn Rand. We may have the same entrepreneurial mind set?
The first time we scheduled a date I blew him off partly for Mr. Sparks. I felt kind of bad for giving only a 12-hour notice cancellation, but he was quite understanding and nice about it. He even followed up later to ask me out again. Persistence in men do pay off.
I went to Midway museum with him. It's my first time to visit the Midway so I was quite excited. He took charge to arrange the time, even informed me that it was 9/11 so there would be a mayoral speech. I like a man who takes care of things.
The first impression when I met him? Bitterness. It's odd because he didn't sound bitter through our emails or even phone conversations. But when I met him that's the first thing I thought about: man you must be really pissed off about something. Then I learned that his daughter was moving out of state to live with her mother and dropping out of college. Yes man you have it tough. I will be nice...
First "deal breaker"*: he just seem so miserable and bitter. I appreciate him coming on a date under such circumstances, but man I'd rather him stay home and kick the dog.
Second "deal breaker": he's quiet. I like a man who can talk because I am quiet, and I can only initiate conversations so many times in a set time frame.
Third "deal breaker": he wants to live in Fallbrook... Um, I grew up in a city of millions and millions of people where the night never ends, and my future with this man will be in Fallbrook? Sorry, that's just not me.
Fourth "deal breaker": I like a man who's conscious about money but not counting every penny. The first time he uttered money was when we saw this old radio the navy used to use. He said: "I bet this cost thousands of dollar." I thought to myself: okay, sure good observation. But these comments just keep on coming. Everything we saw and touched, he put a $ sign on it. I felt like I was in the 30Rock episode where Kenneth saw everything as muppets, Tracy saw everyone as himself, and Jack saw everything with a $ sign on it. Except The Money Man isn't nearly as hot as Jack...
I let him pay for some food after our visit but I kept wondering if his heart was breaking because he had to shell out $10 for me. He didn't act cheap during the date but I kept thinking the cheapness is going to come out of the closet one day.
After the date he politely walked me to my car. He contacted me once after the date but I just conveniently forgot to reply.
What I learned: where to buy a big planter box.
No more communication.
* These aren't actually my general deal breakers. I have a fairly short deal breakers list. But these are definitely breakers for this deal...
I went to Midway museum with him. It's my first time to visit the Midway so I was quite excited. He took charge to arrange the time, even informed me that it was 9/11 so there would be a mayoral speech. I like a man who takes care of things.
The first impression when I met him? Bitterness. It's odd because he didn't sound bitter through our emails or even phone conversations. But when I met him that's the first thing I thought about: man you must be really pissed off about something. Then I learned that his daughter was moving out of state to live with her mother and dropping out of college. Yes man you have it tough. I will be nice...
First "deal breaker"*: he just seem so miserable and bitter. I appreciate him coming on a date under such circumstances, but man I'd rather him stay home and kick the dog.
Second "deal breaker": he's quiet. I like a man who can talk because I am quiet, and I can only initiate conversations so many times in a set time frame.
Third "deal breaker": he wants to live in Fallbrook... Um, I grew up in a city of millions and millions of people where the night never ends, and my future with this man will be in Fallbrook? Sorry, that's just not me.
Fourth "deal breaker": I like a man who's conscious about money but not counting every penny. The first time he uttered money was when we saw this old radio the navy used to use. He said: "I bet this cost thousands of dollar." I thought to myself: okay, sure good observation. But these comments just keep on coming. Everything we saw and touched, he put a $ sign on it. I felt like I was in the 30Rock episode where Kenneth saw everything as muppets, Tracy saw everyone as himself, and Jack saw everything with a $ sign on it. Except The Money Man isn't nearly as hot as Jack...
I let him pay for some food after our visit but I kept wondering if his heart was breaking because he had to shell out $10 for me. He didn't act cheap during the date but I kept thinking the cheapness is going to come out of the closet one day.
After the date he politely walked me to my car. He contacted me once after the date but I just conveniently forgot to reply.
What I learned: where to buy a big planter box.
No more communication.
* These aren't actually my general deal breakers. I have a fairly short deal breakers list. But these are definitely breakers for this deal...
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Mr. Shakespeare
I met Mr. Shakespeare at the aforementioned paid internet dating site. Mr. Shakespeare isn't a member, so we were rushing through the communication steps to obtain each other's contact. I usually don't have a problem with a guy not being a member. To me, the internet is just another channel where I meet guys. I find it easier to find guys to date on dating websites because, well, they are there to date. It takes the whole guessing work of "is he available" out of the questions.
A friend of mine consider guys who don't pay for subscription "too cheap to date". Some may be. But others may consider the cost and reward not proportional. For example, I've been on this paid dating website for a total of 9 months (with a break in the middle). I've only gotten maybe 3-5 dates. I've gotten way more dates on the free dating website. I am canceling my member soon. I don't blame the guys for not wanting to shell out $30 a month.
Anyway. Before I met Mr. Shakespeare we had a couple email exchange. I write like how I talk - very straight forward with very little pretense. He wrote like Shakespeare, in a bad way. I didn't feel romance or poety. Rather I felt pretenser. I mean, you can't just say "look forward to talking to you soon" instead of "look forward to continuing our correspondence"?? WTH?
But I met him anyway. Besides the writing style, he actually seemed like a decent intelligent guy. We met at a dessert place. I arrived early so I bought myself a cup of tea and a piece of dessert.
Mr. Shakespeare walked in, with a briefcase! It's Saturday, so I thought to myself: did he come from work? Why didn't he leave it in the car? Did he take a bus to work?
Well, actually, no he didn't come from work. The briefcase contains a book, some notes, and some music sheets "too precious to be left in the car". Honestly I was freaked out at the point. A guy who can't even risk leaving his briefcase in the car for a coffee date? What kind of life is that?
We talked for a long time. He was quite interesting. He does talk like he writes, analyzing every single word and trying to find the most suitable. The date ended with a hug.
The next day he emailed me and asked if I'd like to see him again. I said yes. Maybe those music sheets were hand-written by Mozart himself and leaving them in the car would not only be reckless but also disrespectful? So I suggested that we go on a hike in a famous state park in San Diego. I also suggested that we park at the City golf course parking lot and walk there.
The day before the hiking date he sent me an email saying that he'd rather park at the state park's parking lot, and that way he doesn't have to worry about his car being towed from the City golf course parking lot, and that he can contribute to the state park fund.
Okay. First, apparently those music sheets weren't Mozart's. Mr. Shakespeare is just paranoid. I had dealt with paranoia my entire life. Um. If you can't take a risk of leaving your car at a City golf course parking lot where half of the cars are parked by hikers, you won't be able to handle me. Because I would be the riskiest investment you will make, with the biggest return of course, but no less risky.
Secondly, I'd probably be okay if he had just flat out admit that he's paranoid. But the BS about wanting to contribute to the state park fund? Um, I sent the state park conservation fund a check. I am part of the Sierra Club. I contribute to the state park fund by actively doing so, not by parking at their parking lots once every decade. What's worse than being a pussy is that he's too pussy to admit he's a pussy.
So I sent back and email saying that my ankle hurts and probably should take a rain check. Hey if you can't be straight with me, I have no obligation to be straight with you. Mr. Shakespeare got the message and never contacted me again.
What I learned: political theories.
No more communication.
A friend of mine consider guys who don't pay for subscription "too cheap to date". Some may be. But others may consider the cost and reward not proportional. For example, I've been on this paid dating website for a total of 9 months (with a break in the middle). I've only gotten maybe 3-5 dates. I've gotten way more dates on the free dating website. I am canceling my member soon. I don't blame the guys for not wanting to shell out $30 a month.
Anyway. Before I met Mr. Shakespeare we had a couple email exchange. I write like how I talk - very straight forward with very little pretense. He wrote like Shakespeare, in a bad way. I didn't feel romance or poety. Rather I felt pretenser. I mean, you can't just say "look forward to talking to you soon" instead of "look forward to continuing our correspondence"?? WTH?
But I met him anyway. Besides the writing style, he actually seemed like a decent intelligent guy. We met at a dessert place. I arrived early so I bought myself a cup of tea and a piece of dessert.
Mr. Shakespeare walked in, with a briefcase! It's Saturday, so I thought to myself: did he come from work? Why didn't he leave it in the car? Did he take a bus to work?
Well, actually, no he didn't come from work. The briefcase contains a book, some notes, and some music sheets "too precious to be left in the car". Honestly I was freaked out at the point. A guy who can't even risk leaving his briefcase in the car for a coffee date? What kind of life is that?
We talked for a long time. He was quite interesting. He does talk like he writes, analyzing every single word and trying to find the most suitable. The date ended with a hug.
The next day he emailed me and asked if I'd like to see him again. I said yes. Maybe those music sheets were hand-written by Mozart himself and leaving them in the car would not only be reckless but also disrespectful? So I suggested that we go on a hike in a famous state park in San Diego. I also suggested that we park at the City golf course parking lot and walk there.
The day before the hiking date he sent me an email saying that he'd rather park at the state park's parking lot, and that way he doesn't have to worry about his car being towed from the City golf course parking lot, and that he can contribute to the state park fund.
Okay. First, apparently those music sheets weren't Mozart's. Mr. Shakespeare is just paranoid. I had dealt with paranoia my entire life. Um. If you can't take a risk of leaving your car at a City golf course parking lot where half of the cars are parked by hikers, you won't be able to handle me. Because I would be the riskiest investment you will make, with the biggest return of course, but no less risky.
Secondly, I'd probably be okay if he had just flat out admit that he's paranoid. But the BS about wanting to contribute to the state park fund? Um, I sent the state park conservation fund a check. I am part of the Sierra Club. I contribute to the state park fund by actively doing so, not by parking at their parking lots once every decade. What's worse than being a pussy is that he's too pussy to admit he's a pussy.
So I sent back and email saying that my ankle hurts and probably should take a rain check. Hey if you can't be straight with me, I have no obligation to be straight with you. Mr. Shakespeare got the message and never contacted me again.
What I learned: political theories.
No more communication.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Mr. Sparks
During the blackout Mr. Sparks texted me to see if I was okay. We texted back and forth all night. It was great! Then poof I never hear from him again. I assume he died that night. It's not malicious or anything. If he did die, it's just the fact. If he didn't, I treat him as if he died anyway.
I felt a little sadness. After all, I sparked with this guy. But I now know that it's not my problem that he disappeared. In a relationship with two people, each of them bring a certain amount of shit in it. No one person can be blamed for a failed relationship. I've always known this in my head, but for the very first time I am actually able to live it. I also know that I can't control how he acts, but I can control how I act and I can find out what happened if I wanted to. I choose not to bother. It makes no difference this time.
I have grown up. Pat on back.
What I learned: well I still have his book that I've always wanted to read, so I consider this relationship a net gain.
No more communication.
I felt a little sadness. After all, I sparked with this guy. But I now know that it's not my problem that he disappeared. In a relationship with two people, each of them bring a certain amount of shit in it. No one person can be blamed for a failed relationship. I've always known this in my head, but for the very first time I am actually able to live it. I also know that I can't control how he acts, but I can control how I act and I can find out what happened if I wanted to. I choose not to bother. It makes no difference this time.
I have grown up. Pat on back.
What I learned: well I still have his book that I've always wanted to read, so I consider this relationship a net gain.
No more communication.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Mr. Adventures
Mr. Adventures had been texting me since our first date like we've been dating for a while. Things like "I am at Target" or "This class is so boring". How do I respond to these texts? "Haha"? "Poor you"? Hello, I am NOT your girlfriend, yet.
I used to think that I don't need that instant chemistry to date someone. Now I know I do. I need to feel some "click" on the first date. I felt a very small "click" with Mr. Adventure, but I was just not attracted to him physically. It's strange. I've dated uglier guys, shorter guys, bigger guys. I couldn't quite figure out what is it with Mr. Adventures that I didn't like.
After my dating spree I decided to slow down a bit. It's much easier to spend the night at a climbing gym solving route problems than in a restaurant solving men problems. Most of my nights were occupied with activities so I decided to see Mr. Adventures during the day. Lunch and a movie.
I got to the restaurant first. As I watched Mr. Adventures walk in, I realize what it is that I didn't like about him: he doesn't smile. Like the Halley's comet, it comes around rarely and before you can even positively identify it, it's gone. As he walked in the restaurant all I could think about was that "man what was he pissed off about?" That set the mood. I was nervous the whole time.
Conversation was okay. Mr. Adventures really knows a lot of stuff, and he could fill in all the silence. I like that. But man he just look so pissed off... We went to see "The Debt" - an excellent movie by the way. The whole time I was nervous: what if he puts the moves on? What if he grabs my hand? What if he pulls me over? I made sure the armrest was in place, and set pretty rigidly for two hours.
Now I know what people mean when they say "that smile just makes my day". I am like a mirror. When my date looks cold and pissed off, I feel cold and pissed off. When my date looks cheerful and happy, I feel cheerful and happy.
Mr. Adventures had been pushing for another date. I'd been trying to tell him I'd like to take it slower. I'd also been trying to find a way of telling him that I need him to smile a little more often. Then I thought: what's the point? People don't really change. If I had asked him, he'd be all self-conscious. It comes down to whether or not I can get used to it. Right now the thought of seeing his pissed off face again gives me shudder.
And yes, I realize I've become one of those "picky" women. Here is a sweet, intelligent guy with a good job, and I am about to write him off because he doesn't smile often enough. They say after many years you don't remember the things people did, but you remember how they make you feel at the moment. Mr. Adventures does nice things, but even after a couple dates I can only remember him making me feel nervous (not the good kind), cold, and pissed off.
I am doomed.
What I learned: serial killers.
Third date: I need to recover before I can do that again.
I used to think that I don't need that instant chemistry to date someone. Now I know I do. I need to feel some "click" on the first date. I felt a very small "click" with Mr. Adventure, but I was just not attracted to him physically. It's strange. I've dated uglier guys, shorter guys, bigger guys. I couldn't quite figure out what is it with Mr. Adventures that I didn't like.
After my dating spree I decided to slow down a bit. It's much easier to spend the night at a climbing gym solving route problems than in a restaurant solving men problems. Most of my nights were occupied with activities so I decided to see Mr. Adventures during the day. Lunch and a movie.
I got to the restaurant first. As I watched Mr. Adventures walk in, I realize what it is that I didn't like about him: he doesn't smile. Like the Halley's comet, it comes around rarely and before you can even positively identify it, it's gone. As he walked in the restaurant all I could think about was that "man what was he pissed off about?" That set the mood. I was nervous the whole time.
Conversation was okay. Mr. Adventures really knows a lot of stuff, and he could fill in all the silence. I like that. But man he just look so pissed off... We went to see "The Debt" - an excellent movie by the way. The whole time I was nervous: what if he puts the moves on? What if he grabs my hand? What if he pulls me over? I made sure the armrest was in place, and set pretty rigidly for two hours.
Now I know what people mean when they say "that smile just makes my day". I am like a mirror. When my date looks cold and pissed off, I feel cold and pissed off. When my date looks cheerful and happy, I feel cheerful and happy.
Mr. Adventures had been pushing for another date. I'd been trying to tell him I'd like to take it slower. I'd also been trying to find a way of telling him that I need him to smile a little more often. Then I thought: what's the point? People don't really change. If I had asked him, he'd be all self-conscious. It comes down to whether or not I can get used to it. Right now the thought of seeing his pissed off face again gives me shudder.
And yes, I realize I've become one of those "picky" women. Here is a sweet, intelligent guy with a good job, and I am about to write him off because he doesn't smile often enough. They say after many years you don't remember the things people did, but you remember how they make you feel at the moment. Mr. Adventures does nice things, but even after a couple dates I can only remember him making me feel nervous (not the good kind), cold, and pissed off.
I am doomed.
What I learned: serial killers.
Third date: I need to recover before I can do that again.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Mr. Needy
One week after I asked Mr. Needy to back off, he asked him on a date. I set a date tentatively but cancelled a couple hours later. I was dreading that second date. I should have just told him I wasn't interested right there, but I was trying to see if I would feel differently giving a little more time. I didn't. A week later he asked me out again. I was still dreading it. So I waited till the next day and sent him this text:
"After the past couple weeks I realize I am not interested in pursuing our relationship further. I wish you the very best luck."
Guy friends told me before that the only way a guy will stop bothering you is if they know you are not interested. No excuses such as "I am too busy right now". Just plain "not interested".
This is what Mr. Needy replied:
"I was wondering why someone as attractive as you are having trouble with dating sites. Now I know why. Good bye."
Compared to old guys's response, no class and, well, needy. But I take responsibility for dragging it out for two weeks. I should have ended it two weeks ago. It wasn't to say his response two weeks ago would have been less needy and more classy, but at least I would have felt less responsible. Still, Mr. Needy, we have been on one fucking date, and you've been inconsiderate and needy since. I was giving you and myself a chance. I don't owe you a fucking thing. I have dates set up all throughout the weekend. I have no trouble with dating sites. The trouble I have is losers like you.
What I learned: once my "loser-o-meter" is tripped, I should end it immediately.
No more communication.
What I learned: once my "loser-o-meter" is tripped, I should end it immediately.
No more communication.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Mr. Sparks
So I had this Kayak coupon and decided I want to go Kayak in La Jolla Cove. Mr. Sparks challenged me on my fear of heights while climbing, so it's my turn to challenge Mr. Sparks on his fear of water. I know, I asked him to do something again. It's against the rules. But at this point he is more of a fun activity partner than anything else.
It was a choppy afternoon, bad for someone who's afraid of water and gets seasick. We took the tour and it was just the two of us and the guide. I liked it because it's a private tour, but Mr. Sparks got pretty queasy at the end. I was going to invite Mr. Sparks in to my place but seeing that he was about to barf, I let him go home and retain whatever dignity he had left. He was a good sport though. No whining about the weather, doing his best to get the most out.
So now the score isn't even: he asked me out once, and I asked him out twice. The ball is in his court. I am never going to ask him out again until he initiate. He's been texting me the last few nights. Oh the sparks.
He lent me a book so I know I'll see him at least one more time, however it's going to happen. I will then clarify our relationship: is he interested in just being friends/activity partners, or is he interested in dating? I ain't 25 anymore. Ain't no time to play games.
What I learned: the history of La Jolla Cove.
Fourth date: imminent but big question in place.
It was a choppy afternoon, bad for someone who's afraid of water and gets seasick. We took the tour and it was just the two of us and the guide. I liked it because it's a private tour, but Mr. Sparks got pretty queasy at the end. I was going to invite Mr. Sparks in to my place but seeing that he was about to barf, I let him go home and retain whatever dignity he had left. He was a good sport though. No whining about the weather, doing his best to get the most out.
So now the score isn't even: he asked me out once, and I asked him out twice. The ball is in his court. I am never going to ask him out again until he initiate. He's been texting me the last few nights. Oh the sparks.
He lent me a book so I know I'll see him at least one more time, however it's going to happen. I will then clarify our relationship: is he interested in just being friends/activity partners, or is he interested in dating? I ain't 25 anymore. Ain't no time to play games.
What I learned: the history of La Jolla Cove.
Fourth date: imminent but big question in place.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Old Guy
Old guy had asked me out during the week but I decided I'd rather go climbing instead. He then asked very nicely if I could set aside some time during the weekend. What can I say? He's such a proper gentleman. I told him I'd have dinner with him one night.
He gave me his address and asked him to meet him there. He lives in one of those nice condos in downtown. He came out to welcome me, skinny jeans and dress shirt with three buttons off. First thought: pimp?? He took me inside his condo. I was nervous. I had my hand on my phone the whole time just in case. After all, this is the second time I met this guy in my life. Although I trust my gut instinct, this sort of carelessness is what makes victims of serial killers. Maybe I am old fashion, but giving me a tour of his condo including the master bedroom and master bath seem like something you do right before you have sex, or after the relationship has been defined. It's not something you do on a second date. I was distracted by his motive and confused by his proper manner and enthusiasm. He spent quite a bit of his childhood in the U.K. Maybe this is the proper manner in Europe?
After the tour we went out for dinner. I was glad I didn't get raped or killed, and determined that I was never going back to that condo unless we are a couple. He took me to a nice Afghan restaurant where he seems to know the staffs. I wonder, do guys have a "spot" for their dates? I tend to go to places I've never been but wanted to try, but that's for the reason that I just want to try new places. For a girl, it's probably safe to have a "spot" for first few dates so someone can look after me. But for a guy, it seems more like a show off: look here is another girl I am bring in. Maybe they get a discount?
Dinner was fine. I realized he really looked old. To a passerby he could be my hip grandpa! Not only does he look old, we also don't seem to share the same interest and passion in life. That night I really missed my ex-boyfriend and how lively and good he still was at his "advanced" age. When the check came I offer to split it but he insisted on paying. After dinner he suggested cupcakes back to his place. We went in the cupcake place and I insisted paying and eating at the cupcake store. Sitting there he put his arm around me, and all I could think about is how to get out of going back to his condo. Turned out it was easy. I just told him I was tired and wanted to call it a night. At the car he kissed me on my lips. No tongues. I felt like I just kissed my grandpa. It's true, age isn't an issue until it's an issue...
The next day he texted me and asked if he could stop by my place and hang out. I politely told him that I enjoyed our dates but I wasn't interested in pursuing the relationship further. I wished him luck, and he politely wished me luck back.
All in all, not a bad ending.
What I learned: the downtown real estate value is slightly higher than what they were 15 years ago.
No more communication.
He gave me his address and asked him to meet him there. He lives in one of those nice condos in downtown. He came out to welcome me, skinny jeans and dress shirt with three buttons off. First thought: pimp?? He took me inside his condo. I was nervous. I had my hand on my phone the whole time just in case. After all, this is the second time I met this guy in my life. Although I trust my gut instinct, this sort of carelessness is what makes victims of serial killers. Maybe I am old fashion, but giving me a tour of his condo including the master bedroom and master bath seem like something you do right before you have sex, or after the relationship has been defined. It's not something you do on a second date. I was distracted by his motive and confused by his proper manner and enthusiasm. He spent quite a bit of his childhood in the U.K. Maybe this is the proper manner in Europe?
After the tour we went out for dinner. I was glad I didn't get raped or killed, and determined that I was never going back to that condo unless we are a couple. He took me to a nice Afghan restaurant where he seems to know the staffs. I wonder, do guys have a "spot" for their dates? I tend to go to places I've never been but wanted to try, but that's for the reason that I just want to try new places. For a girl, it's probably safe to have a "spot" for first few dates so someone can look after me. But for a guy, it seems more like a show off: look here is another girl I am bring in. Maybe they get a discount?
Dinner was fine. I realized he really looked old. To a passerby he could be my hip grandpa! Not only does he look old, we also don't seem to share the same interest and passion in life. That night I really missed my ex-boyfriend and how lively and good he still was at his "advanced" age. When the check came I offer to split it but he insisted on paying. After dinner he suggested cupcakes back to his place. We went in the cupcake place and I insisted paying and eating at the cupcake store. Sitting there he put his arm around me, and all I could think about is how to get out of going back to his condo. Turned out it was easy. I just told him I was tired and wanted to call it a night. At the car he kissed me on my lips. No tongues. I felt like I just kissed my grandpa. It's true, age isn't an issue until it's an issue...
The next day he texted me and asked if he could stop by my place and hang out. I politely told him that I enjoyed our dates but I wasn't interested in pursuing the relationship further. I wished him luck, and he politely wished me luck back.
All in all, not a bad ending.
What I learned: the downtown real estate value is slightly higher than what they were 15 years ago.
No more communication.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Mr. Adventures
I enjoy meeting people who have done more than I have. I don't like the spot light but am very good at shinning it on someone else. Mr. Adventures has done many things I had wanted to do: hike Mt. Whitney, scuba dive off Cuba, go on a submarine. This translates to many stories.
I met Mr. Adventures on the aforementioned free internet dating site. The messaging was short but frequent. There wasn't really any sparks. I met him at a small wine bar. For the first time when I started this dating life a man arrived before I did! But alas, I am not physically attracted to him at an instant. He's about my height if not shorter, muscular, and the face is pale. No, I like tall, skinny (not muscular), and darker Caucasians.
So I sat down, ordered a glass of wine, and thought "what the heck. I've never been to this wine bar so at the very least I get to try a new place in town." Do I have a good attitude or what? ;-P
We started talking. The beginning was a little slow. Mr. Adventures didn't smile much, and when he smiled I noticed the teeth: not very straight, not very white. So overall I am not physically attracted to him. But once the conversation started, I was able to get Mr. Adventures to recount all these interesting places he's been to and adventurous things he's done. He is very articulate and talkative with a little probing on my side. We also started talking about movies and shows, and we discovered that we have very similar tastes there. Little did I know an hour and a half had passed in the wine bar. He asked if I'd like to get dinner, and there's this new BBQ restaurant I wanted to try. One of the perks of going on so many dates is that I get to try all these new places and don't have to go alone. So I told him I'll get the check at the wine bar and he can pay for dinner. He agreed.
We went out to his car, which happens to be one of my dream cars - so he has good taste. He opened the door for me - good manners. Drove to the restaurant, ate, conversed for another hour. I had walked to the wine bar to meet him, so he drove me home, kissed me at the front door. He's a much better kisser than Mr. Needy.
I didn't laugh wholeheartedly all night. He didn't smile much so he's face was sort of intimidating. I was wondering if he's having a good time all night until he told me he was at the end. When I tell a joke I can tell if the other person truly find it funny or just laugh out of courtesy. With Mr. Sparks I felt that he laughed because he truly found me funny. With Mr. Adventures I felt that I had given my best but he only chuckled... I didn't feel those butterflies I felt with Mr. Sparks all night even when we kissed. When I got home he texted me right away and asked me out again. I didn't feel the pushiness as I felt from Mr. Needy. In fact, I felt much at ease with texting Mr. Adventures than texting Mr. Sparks.
I know the feeling with Mr. Sparks very well. I've always fallen for guys like that. I am not familiar with the feelings with Mr. Adventures. It's calm, even, easy, but no butterflies.
Assuming I had a choice, what do I choose?
Einstein said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same result. My sanity says I should go with Mr. Adventures because things haven't exactly worked out well with the likes of Mr. Sparks, and this time it will be no different.
Conversations with Mr. Sparks were based on our similar sense of humor and observations and likes and dislikes. Even if we ran out of stories to tell each other, I could continue to have conversations with Mr. Sparks for eternity. We invent stories. In short, I felt in sync with Mr. Sparks.
I felt with Mr. Adventures we will soon run out of conversation topics when the stories are done. We don't have that rapport like Mr. Sparks and I have. But maybe Mr. Adventures and I will just invent a different type of conversation. I think I need to go on a few more dates with Mr. Adventures to find out if we will run dry.
Another perspective from this date is whether Mr. Sparks felt about me the same way I felt about Mr. Adventures: pleasant to be around, but no butterflies; workable, but not exciting. I think of this because I am pretty sure Mr. Adventures feels about me the same way I feel about Mr. Sparks. He texted me at least 10 times the same night after our first date. Still not obnoxious as Mr. Needy. Mr. Needy you really did something wrong there...
What I learned: how a submarine makes oxygen by splitting water and makes fresh water from salt water.
Second date: pending. Much needed to see where this goes.
I met Mr. Adventures on the aforementioned free internet dating site. The messaging was short but frequent. There wasn't really any sparks. I met him at a small wine bar. For the first time when I started this dating life a man arrived before I did! But alas, I am not physically attracted to him at an instant. He's about my height if not shorter, muscular, and the face is pale. No, I like tall, skinny (not muscular), and darker Caucasians.
So I sat down, ordered a glass of wine, and thought "what the heck. I've never been to this wine bar so at the very least I get to try a new place in town." Do I have a good attitude or what? ;-P
We started talking. The beginning was a little slow. Mr. Adventures didn't smile much, and when he smiled I noticed the teeth: not very straight, not very white. So overall I am not physically attracted to him. But once the conversation started, I was able to get Mr. Adventures to recount all these interesting places he's been to and adventurous things he's done. He is very articulate and talkative with a little probing on my side. We also started talking about movies and shows, and we discovered that we have very similar tastes there. Little did I know an hour and a half had passed in the wine bar. He asked if I'd like to get dinner, and there's this new BBQ restaurant I wanted to try. One of the perks of going on so many dates is that I get to try all these new places and don't have to go alone. So I told him I'll get the check at the wine bar and he can pay for dinner. He agreed.
We went out to his car, which happens to be one of my dream cars - so he has good taste. He opened the door for me - good manners. Drove to the restaurant, ate, conversed for another hour. I had walked to the wine bar to meet him, so he drove me home, kissed me at the front door. He's a much better kisser than Mr. Needy.
I didn't laugh wholeheartedly all night. He didn't smile much so he's face was sort of intimidating. I was wondering if he's having a good time all night until he told me he was at the end. When I tell a joke I can tell if the other person truly find it funny or just laugh out of courtesy. With Mr. Sparks I felt that he laughed because he truly found me funny. With Mr. Adventures I felt that I had given my best but he only chuckled... I didn't feel those butterflies I felt with Mr. Sparks all night even when we kissed. When I got home he texted me right away and asked me out again. I didn't feel the pushiness as I felt from Mr. Needy. In fact, I felt much at ease with texting Mr. Adventures than texting Mr. Sparks.
I know the feeling with Mr. Sparks very well. I've always fallen for guys like that. I am not familiar with the feelings with Mr. Adventures. It's calm, even, easy, but no butterflies.
Assuming I had a choice, what do I choose?
Einstein said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same result. My sanity says I should go with Mr. Adventures because things haven't exactly worked out well with the likes of Mr. Sparks, and this time it will be no different.
Conversations with Mr. Sparks were based on our similar sense of humor and observations and likes and dislikes. Even if we ran out of stories to tell each other, I could continue to have conversations with Mr. Sparks for eternity. We invent stories. In short, I felt in sync with Mr. Sparks.
I felt with Mr. Adventures we will soon run out of conversation topics when the stories are done. We don't have that rapport like Mr. Sparks and I have. But maybe Mr. Adventures and I will just invent a different type of conversation. I think I need to go on a few more dates with Mr. Adventures to find out if we will run dry.
Another perspective from this date is whether Mr. Sparks felt about me the same way I felt about Mr. Adventures: pleasant to be around, but no butterflies; workable, but not exciting. I think of this because I am pretty sure Mr. Adventures feels about me the same way I feel about Mr. Sparks. He texted me at least 10 times the same night after our first date. Still not obnoxious as Mr. Needy. Mr. Needy you really did something wrong there...
What I learned: how a submarine makes oxygen by splitting water and makes fresh water from salt water.
Second date: pending. Much needed to see where this goes.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Mr. Sparks
I texted Mr. Sparks and see if he's interested in going indoor climbing with me. I needed a climbing buddy, and remembered that he's pretty active. He returned my text and said he's wanted to check out this one climbing gym, and it so just happened that there's a group of climbers going to that particular gym the next day. Anyone who joins can get a discount so I invited Mr. Sparks to go. He seemed enthusiastic. A good sign. He wants to see me again.
Things didn't start well. I got a work call right before I left the house and it was distracting to say the least. I didn't even remember how I got to the car and drove there. I was so distracted that when I got there I didn't even remember to look for him. The front desk of the gym gave me some trouble so I was even further distracted. While I was dealing with the front desk, Mr. Sparks walked up to me. I was happy to see him so I gave him a hug.
Due to certain logistics I had to take a quick lesson on belaying, so I sent Mr. Sparks off to climb with someone else. I felt pretty bad at this point. One I was so distracted by work and the front desk and the logistic issue. Two I was kind of worry that I wouldn't be able to climb with Mr. Sparks once he paired up with another climber.
So I did the lesson really quick, and noticed that Mr. Sparks was climbing with someone else. Sad face. Once the lesson was done, I couldn't find Mr. Sparks, so I met up with this other girl and started climbing. During her climb Mr. Sparks found me! Yay!
So we started climbing. I explained to him that my motivation for climbing is to overcome my fear of height and asked him to be patient with me because I will freeze midway. It was overall a pleasant experience. He's definitely a lot more advanced than I am, but he stayed at the lower rated routes with me. Maybe he didn't want to be cocky and show me off? I'd be fine with it. I am not ready to compete. My pride won't be hurt. Maybe he wants to ensure he didn't make a fool of himself in front of me with the harder routes. The male ego?
He also pushed me to try out this one route that's a bit harder and a lot higher. I gave up at least twice during the climb due to the fear, but he wound't let me down and pushed me to keep going. I did and it felt good. Someone who can push me to do better but not obnoxiously pushy. I like that.
There were some decent conversations in between climbs. By the second or third climb I've already gotten a solution in my mind for work, so I was less distracted. But climbing isn't a very social sport. Most of the time you are just hanging out up there or belaying alone.
When we were done climbing I was kind of hoping we'd go for a bite. But I had make the move to ask him to climb, so the ball was in his court. He would have to ask me for a bite. He didn't. We said goodbye, then hugged, then parted ways. He did say "I'll talk to you soon" before he left.
Now I am confused. Have I fallen in the "friend zone" with Mr. Sparks? Was I too aggressive to ask him to go climbing with me? Should I have waited for his move? I think I'll be okay if Mr. Sparks turns out to be just an activity partner. After all, I've only met him twice. Not much has been invested.
I really hate this early stage of relationship, especially with someone I like. It's so confusing. Things you should do, things you shouldn't do. What does this mean, what does that mean. The game of dating. With someone I like, I don't have the patience to play it, and I end up "friends" with the someone I like. I really hate it.
What I learned: how to properly belay :-)
Third date: not hopeful.
Things didn't start well. I got a work call right before I left the house and it was distracting to say the least. I didn't even remember how I got to the car and drove there. I was so distracted that when I got there I didn't even remember to look for him. The front desk of the gym gave me some trouble so I was even further distracted. While I was dealing with the front desk, Mr. Sparks walked up to me. I was happy to see him so I gave him a hug.
Due to certain logistics I had to take a quick lesson on belaying, so I sent Mr. Sparks off to climb with someone else. I felt pretty bad at this point. One I was so distracted by work and the front desk and the logistic issue. Two I was kind of worry that I wouldn't be able to climb with Mr. Sparks once he paired up with another climber.
So I did the lesson really quick, and noticed that Mr. Sparks was climbing with someone else. Sad face. Once the lesson was done, I couldn't find Mr. Sparks, so I met up with this other girl and started climbing. During her climb Mr. Sparks found me! Yay!
So we started climbing. I explained to him that my motivation for climbing is to overcome my fear of height and asked him to be patient with me because I will freeze midway. It was overall a pleasant experience. He's definitely a lot more advanced than I am, but he stayed at the lower rated routes with me. Maybe he didn't want to be cocky and show me off? I'd be fine with it. I am not ready to compete. My pride won't be hurt. Maybe he wants to ensure he didn't make a fool of himself in front of me with the harder routes. The male ego?
He also pushed me to try out this one route that's a bit harder and a lot higher. I gave up at least twice during the climb due to the fear, but he wound't let me down and pushed me to keep going. I did and it felt good. Someone who can push me to do better but not obnoxiously pushy. I like that.
There were some decent conversations in between climbs. By the second or third climb I've already gotten a solution in my mind for work, so I was less distracted. But climbing isn't a very social sport. Most of the time you are just hanging out up there or belaying alone.
When we were done climbing I was kind of hoping we'd go for a bite. But I had make the move to ask him to climb, so the ball was in his court. He would have to ask me for a bite. He didn't. We said goodbye, then hugged, then parted ways. He did say "I'll talk to you soon" before he left.
Now I am confused. Have I fallen in the "friend zone" with Mr. Sparks? Was I too aggressive to ask him to go climbing with me? Should I have waited for his move? I think I'll be okay if Mr. Sparks turns out to be just an activity partner. After all, I've only met him twice. Not much has been invested.
I really hate this early stage of relationship, especially with someone I like. It's so confusing. Things you should do, things you shouldn't do. What does this mean, what does that mean. The game of dating. With someone I like, I don't have the patience to play it, and I end up "friends" with the someone I like. I really hate it.
What I learned: how to properly belay :-)
Third date: not hopeful.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Twenty Nine
I set my age filter for 29 - 50 just in case the only mature 29-year old ends up finding me. This 29-year old isn't it. However, I went out with Twenty Nine the day after Mr. China and I had a grand ol' time. It's good to know that the problem with Mr. China wasn't that I was burnt out on dates. There just wasn't any chemistry. Chemistry, it's such a mystery.
Twenty Nine is tall, skinny, handsome, cheerful, and nice. I met him on the aforementioned free internet dating site. Through messaging I noticed that he's very pure. It's a nicer way to say "inexperience in life". That's generally the idea I got after meeting him. We met at a small neighborhood bar. I arrived early so I bought myself a beer. He's intelligent but just isn't "seasoned" enough for my taste. It's a nice change from the bitter and angry men I've dated though. The night felt like I was chatting with my younger brother, hearing his "adventures" and giving him advice on things. I was rather reserved about my life simply because I felt this imbalance in life experience. An hour passed rather quickly and painlessly. If Twenty Nine asks me out again I think I'd like to see him again. A date with Twenty Nine is like a R&R from the dating life.
What I learned: everything one needs to know about bowling.
Second date: unknown but willing if asked.
**Update: about 4 weeks later I got this text. Apparently I had already erased his number. He asked me to go bowling with him. I just said I was busy. WTH? Oh well.
Twenty Nine is tall, skinny, handsome, cheerful, and nice. I met him on the aforementioned free internet dating site. Through messaging I noticed that he's very pure. It's a nicer way to say "inexperience in life". That's generally the idea I got after meeting him. We met at a small neighborhood bar. I arrived early so I bought myself a beer. He's intelligent but just isn't "seasoned" enough for my taste. It's a nice change from the bitter and angry men I've dated though. The night felt like I was chatting with my younger brother, hearing his "adventures" and giving him advice on things. I was rather reserved about my life simply because I felt this imbalance in life experience. An hour passed rather quickly and painlessly. If Twenty Nine asks me out again I think I'd like to see him again. A date with Twenty Nine is like a R&R from the dating life.
What I learned: everything one needs to know about bowling.
Second date: unknown but willing if asked.
**Update: about 4 weeks later I got this text. Apparently I had already erased his number. He asked me to go bowling with him. I just said I was busy. WTH? Oh well.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Mr. China
I met Mr. China on the aforementioned free internet dating site. In person Mr. China looked exactly like Michael Weston in Burn Notice. It was surprising because his pictures didn't show it. That's all I can think about the entire date. This shows that having a very handsome face can be distracting.
I suggested a coffee or beer, but Mr. China picked a restaurant for dinner. I didn't know the restaurant but from the name it seems like a reasonably-priced restaurant so I agreed. I was trying to avoid the expensive dinner repeat of Business Man.
Mr. China grew up in the midwest but fell in love with China. He's been to more places in China than I have, and can speak Mandarine fairly well. He seem like the giving kind, talking about his volunteering and giving at Chinese orphanage. Tall, white, fit, handsome, loves China and its culture, and loves giving. A perfect match for me, you say? I really wanted so. But alas, there was no connection nor chemistry. I suspected three reasons:
1) I am burnt out on first dates. I've had first dates every single night for a few nights straight.
2) I suspected Mr. China's love affair with China isn't so much about China but about his need to escape his reality, and China just happened to be the escaping tool. This reminded me of one of my ex-boyfriends who used camping to escape reality. On the surface it seemed like such a good quality, but dig deeper one sees the skeleton.
3) I don't like Chinese guy for a reason. Mr. China is white on the outside and yellow on the inside. If I were to date a guy yellow on the inside I might as well find a Chinese Chinese to please my family. Maybe that'd give me a chance at some inheritance....
When the check came I kind of panic. Should I have offered to go dutch? Or would it offend him? I sat and did nothing. Mr. China paid for dinner. I console myself: he picked the restaurant, and I ordered something that's relatively cheap...
At the end of the date I believe neither of us felt the need to ever see each other again. He didn't say "let's do this again". So be it. Good bye Mr. China. Good by Michael Weston.
What I learned: how not to stand out as an American in China.
No more communication.
I suggested a coffee or beer, but Mr. China picked a restaurant for dinner. I didn't know the restaurant but from the name it seems like a reasonably-priced restaurant so I agreed. I was trying to avoid the expensive dinner repeat of Business Man.
Mr. China grew up in the midwest but fell in love with China. He's been to more places in China than I have, and can speak Mandarine fairly well. He seem like the giving kind, talking about his volunteering and giving at Chinese orphanage. Tall, white, fit, handsome, loves China and its culture, and loves giving. A perfect match for me, you say? I really wanted so. But alas, there was no connection nor chemistry. I suspected three reasons:
1) I am burnt out on first dates. I've had first dates every single night for a few nights straight.
2) I suspected Mr. China's love affair with China isn't so much about China but about his need to escape his reality, and China just happened to be the escaping tool. This reminded me of one of my ex-boyfriends who used camping to escape reality. On the surface it seemed like such a good quality, but dig deeper one sees the skeleton.
3) I don't like Chinese guy for a reason. Mr. China is white on the outside and yellow on the inside. If I were to date a guy yellow on the inside I might as well find a Chinese Chinese to please my family. Maybe that'd give me a chance at some inheritance....
When the check came I kind of panic. Should I have offered to go dutch? Or would it offend him? I sat and did nothing. Mr. China paid for dinner. I console myself: he picked the restaurant, and I ordered something that's relatively cheap...
At the end of the date I believe neither of us felt the need to ever see each other again. He didn't say "let's do this again". So be it. Good bye Mr. China. Good by Michael Weston.
What I learned: how not to stand out as an American in China.
No more communication.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Business Man
Business Man is the first date I've gotten from a paid internet dating site. After we messaged each other he called me several times. I never picked up the phone and explained to him I didn't like chatting on the phone, especially with someone I've never met. I suggested coffee. We met for a walk around the bay.
First impression: he's a lot heavier than I thought. I kept imagining having to see him naked and it wasn't appetizing. We walked and talked for an hour. No real connection, but he happened to know some business stuff I was dying to find out. I was going to excuse myself after the walk because I needed to go buy some Chinese groceries. But he suggested a restaurant for dinner next to such grocer. I can't really use my excuse so I agreed to dinner. I was also mildly impressed that he picked a real Chinese restaurant.
I was quite impressed that the staff at the restaurant knew him. Apparently he brought a lot of business dinners there, maybe dates, too. I let him order and we had a nice dinner. The bill came out to be very expensive. I didn't offer to pay because: 1) he ordered the food. 2) he seems like the old fashion type that'd be offended if I offered.
Date ended with a hug and I drove off while he watched me. I felt bad for having such an expensive dinner. Now I have a dilemma. I hope he doesn't ask for a second date because there wasn't a connection. However, I do hope I can take him out for food to "repay" him so I don't feel indebted. I console myself that I offered my exquisite company, and got a free meal in return...
What I learned: business stuff.
Second date: to be or not to be...
**Update: he called me once and emailed me once. I got too busy and didn't reply. And he stopped. So there. No more Hamlet.
First impression: he's a lot heavier than I thought. I kept imagining having to see him naked and it wasn't appetizing. We walked and talked for an hour. No real connection, but he happened to know some business stuff I was dying to find out. I was going to excuse myself after the walk because I needed to go buy some Chinese groceries. But he suggested a restaurant for dinner next to such grocer. I can't really use my excuse so I agreed to dinner. I was also mildly impressed that he picked a real Chinese restaurant.
I was quite impressed that the staff at the restaurant knew him. Apparently he brought a lot of business dinners there, maybe dates, too. I let him order and we had a nice dinner. The bill came out to be very expensive. I didn't offer to pay because: 1) he ordered the food. 2) he seems like the old fashion type that'd be offended if I offered.
Date ended with a hug and I drove off while he watched me. I felt bad for having such an expensive dinner. Now I have a dilemma. I hope he doesn't ask for a second date because there wasn't a connection. However, I do hope I can take him out for food to "repay" him so I don't feel indebted. I console myself that I offered my exquisite company, and got a free meal in return...
What I learned: business stuff.
Second date: to be or not to be...
**Update: he called me once and emailed me once. I got too busy and didn't reply. And he stopped. So there. No more Hamlet.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Mr. Sparks
I met Mr. Sparks on the aforementioned free internet dating site. His profile was funny but he came off somewhat bitter and asshole-ish. Just got out of a relationship with an asshole-ish guy I was a little alarmed. But sparks flew in our messages and we agreed to meet for a hike.
This was the date I really looked forward to. At the same time, I was very concerned that I am drawn to assholes.
We met at the trail head. He brought me a water. Very considerate. He looked just like his pictures, fit, handsome, and sharp. We hiked and talked. Sparks flew. We went for soda and sat and talked. Sparks flew. Time flew. He asked if I was hungry. Of course I was, and I was so happy that he decided to continue the date three hours into it. He suggested one of my favorite eateries (I never mentioned that's one of my favorite) so big points there. We met at the eatery and talked for another two hours. Sparks flew.
We said goodbye. He gave me a hug. I hugged him real tight. He said we should do this again. Then we parted ways. I can still feel the butterflies in my stomach. By the way, he paid for pizza. Good manners.
The next day he sent me an email with some information on a seminar he had mentioned, and I emailed back with some information on cooking I had mentioned. That was the last communication. It's been three days since we met. I certainly hope we will see each other again. But I am going to wait for him to contact me. Or should I? Hmmm.
What I learned: business networking resource.
Wishing hard for a second date.
This was the date I really looked forward to. At the same time, I was very concerned that I am drawn to assholes.
We met at the trail head. He brought me a water. Very considerate. He looked just like his pictures, fit, handsome, and sharp. We hiked and talked. Sparks flew. We went for soda and sat and talked. Sparks flew. Time flew. He asked if I was hungry. Of course I was, and I was so happy that he decided to continue the date three hours into it. He suggested one of my favorite eateries (I never mentioned that's one of my favorite) so big points there. We met at the eatery and talked for another two hours. Sparks flew.
We said goodbye. He gave me a hug. I hugged him real tight. He said we should do this again. Then we parted ways. I can still feel the butterflies in my stomach. By the way, he paid for pizza. Good manners.
The next day he sent me an email with some information on a seminar he had mentioned, and I emailed back with some information on cooking I had mentioned. That was the last communication. It's been three days since we met. I certainly hope we will see each other again. But I am going to wait for him to contact me. Or should I? Hmmm.
What I learned: business networking resource.
Wishing hard for a second date.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Old Guy
To be fair, my last boyfriend was in his late forties. But my last boyfriend looked and acted like he was in his thirties.
Old guy is in his late forties and I met him on the aforementioned free internet dating site. He definitely looked like he's in his forties. We met at a coffee house. I arrived early so I bought myself a cup of tea. We chatted for an hour. Conversation was similar to that of Mr. Generic except Mr. Generic was much more pleasing on the eyes. At the end of the date Old Guy wanted to kiss me, but I gave him the cheek.
He texted me the next day telling me he enjoyed our time and would like to see me again. I agreed for two reasons: 1) I am trying to give my dates and myself a second chance to strike a connection. 2) For sentimental reasons for my ex-boyfriend of the same age I want to give Old Guy another chance. The next date will be a movie and a dinner. We shall see.
What I learned: the new way of making airplanes.
Second date pending. Not excited.
Old guy is in his late forties and I met him on the aforementioned free internet dating site. He definitely looked like he's in his forties. We met at a coffee house. I arrived early so I bought myself a cup of tea. We chatted for an hour. Conversation was similar to that of Mr. Generic except Mr. Generic was much more pleasing on the eyes. At the end of the date Old Guy wanted to kiss me, but I gave him the cheek.
He texted me the next day telling me he enjoyed our time and would like to see me again. I agreed for two reasons: 1) I am trying to give my dates and myself a second chance to strike a connection. 2) For sentimental reasons for my ex-boyfriend of the same age I want to give Old Guy another chance. The next date will be a movie and a dinner. We shall see.
What I learned: the new way of making airplanes.
Second date pending. Not excited.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Married Guy
Oh don't worry. He's in an open relationship, and I called and met a woman who is supposedly his wife to verify it. I believe him. Why would he lie about being in an open relationship? He could have just told me he's single. We met on the aforementioned free internet dating site.
I have heard a lot about open relationships from Dan Savage, so I am curious to talk to Married Guy about it. We were going to meet in a week because of my impending huge project, but he was relentless - in a non-creepy way, much different than Mr. Needy - so I agreed to a quick date. We met at a wine bar. I arrived early so I bought myself a glass of wine.
We talked a lot about monogamy, open relationships, sexual adventures or the lack of. It was informative. Since I knew this wasn't going to go anywhere, I was more open to physical contact. It was funny that one of my acquaintances was in the same wine bar with her friends. When she and I were alone she asked me if this was the "open relationship guy" on that free internet dating site. Apparently he gets around and have messaged all women in San Diego...
We moved the date from the wine bar to my apartment. I don't know. I wanted to get some actions on. I figured why wait. It's not like I'd want a second date. The action was safe and fine. He left.
I didn't expect him to ask me out again. Even if he did I wasn't sure if I'd want to. A sex buddy is a bad idea for a woman, so a one-time deal is fine. But I did expect some sort of communication from him. See why a sex buddy would never work? After one night the woman is already attached enough to want to hear from the guy again, even though she knew there's no future.
When four days went by and no communication from him, I wrote him a nice and quick message. In essence I told him that I expected some sort of communication from him. That's just good manner. But I understand what it meant with no communication. The message was more for my own sake. It was my "closure". Again, another reason to not have a sex buddy. I needed "closure" after one night... Also, I promised that I wouldn't let guys get away with this kind of crap anymore. At least I called him out on it.
He sent back a nice enough message apologizing and explaining why he didn't want to meet me again. Cordial.
Now that I think about it, there would be a reason why he would say he's in an open relationship than to say he's single. First it attracts a certain type of women, maybe the type who want to have some actions but no consequences. Secondly it disarms women. I would never sleep with a guy on a first date unless I knew for sure there's no future. By not presenting a future option, Married Guy can rope in many sex on first dates. Either way, I am not hurting his family so I can sleep at night. I got what I wanted; he got what he wanted. It was almost a win-win situation.
What I learned: you can use Groupons for its face value after it expires.
No more communication.
I have heard a lot about open relationships from Dan Savage, so I am curious to talk to Married Guy about it. We were going to meet in a week because of my impending huge project, but he was relentless - in a non-creepy way, much different than Mr. Needy - so I agreed to a quick date. We met at a wine bar. I arrived early so I bought myself a glass of wine.
We talked a lot about monogamy, open relationships, sexual adventures or the lack of. It was informative. Since I knew this wasn't going to go anywhere, I was more open to physical contact. It was funny that one of my acquaintances was in the same wine bar with her friends. When she and I were alone she asked me if this was the "open relationship guy" on that free internet dating site. Apparently he gets around and have messaged all women in San Diego...
We moved the date from the wine bar to my apartment. I don't know. I wanted to get some actions on. I figured why wait. It's not like I'd want a second date. The action was safe and fine. He left.
I didn't expect him to ask me out again. Even if he did I wasn't sure if I'd want to. A sex buddy is a bad idea for a woman, so a one-time deal is fine. But I did expect some sort of communication from him. See why a sex buddy would never work? After one night the woman is already attached enough to want to hear from the guy again, even though she knew there's no future.
When four days went by and no communication from him, I wrote him a nice and quick message. In essence I told him that I expected some sort of communication from him. That's just good manner. But I understand what it meant with no communication. The message was more for my own sake. It was my "closure". Again, another reason to not have a sex buddy. I needed "closure" after one night... Also, I promised that I wouldn't let guys get away with this kind of crap anymore. At least I called him out on it.
He sent back a nice enough message apologizing and explaining why he didn't want to meet me again. Cordial.
Now that I think about it, there would be a reason why he would say he's in an open relationship than to say he's single. First it attracts a certain type of women, maybe the type who want to have some actions but no consequences. Secondly it disarms women. I would never sleep with a guy on a first date unless I knew for sure there's no future. By not presenting a future option, Married Guy can rope in many sex on first dates. Either way, I am not hurting his family so I can sleep at night. I got what I wanted; he got what he wanted. It was almost a win-win situation.
What I learned: you can use Groupons for its face value after it expires.
No more communication.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Mr. Needy
I met Mr. Needy on aforementioned free internet dating site. Through the messages there were certain sparks. We met at my favorite neighborhood bar. I arrived early so I bought myself a beer. He's a little stockier than I like but okay looking. He didn't seem too inquisite about my life. He talked a lot about himself. After beer he bought me tacos for dinner. Nice manner. I didn't feel a real connection. It felt like I just hung out with an acquaintance. It was cordial, conversational, nice, but it wasn't memorable. I walked to the neighborhood bar and he insisted driving me home. We kissed in the car. He's not a good kisser so strike number two.
The next day he texted me to ask me out again. I had a huge project coming up so I told him in a week or so I'll have some free time. He really wanted to see me the next day. Throughout the weekend he kept texting me and asking me out. At one point he used the phrase "I insist". I was put off. First, I had just told him I had a huge project coming up. He didn't ask a single thing about this important project but just kept asking me out. Second, five text messages after I had said no is a little creepy.
I believe Mr. Needy is very lonely. He found someone who would patiently listen to him talk, and he fell in love with that. That someone could be me, a listening robot, or God. It just happened to be me, and I am pretty ;-P
After being ignored, Mr. Needy sent me an email apologizing for being needy and inconsiderate. Well, at least he's self-aware. I thanked him, and told him we will re-evaluate after he backs off. It's been five days and he had only sent me one email. I think I may just meet him again for funzies.
What I learned: a certain electronic company's plan to develop something.
Second date pending. Not excited.
The next day he texted me to ask me out again. I had a huge project coming up so I told him in a week or so I'll have some free time. He really wanted to see me the next day. Throughout the weekend he kept texting me and asking me out. At one point he used the phrase "I insist". I was put off. First, I had just told him I had a huge project coming up. He didn't ask a single thing about this important project but just kept asking me out. Second, five text messages after I had said no is a little creepy.
I believe Mr. Needy is very lonely. He found someone who would patiently listen to him talk, and he fell in love with that. That someone could be me, a listening robot, or God. It just happened to be me, and I am pretty ;-P
After being ignored, Mr. Needy sent me an email apologizing for being needy and inconsiderate. Well, at least he's self-aware. I thanked him, and told him we will re-evaluate after he backs off. It's been five days and he had only sent me one email. I think I may just meet him again for funzies.
What I learned: a certain electronic company's plan to develop something.
Second date pending. Not excited.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Mr. Generic
He was the first date after a messy break up. We met on a free internet dating site. There wasn't much messaging back and forth. He asked if I'd like to meet coffee; I said yes. He suggested Starbucks. When we met at Starbucks I asked him if we could walk around the block to see if there's other coffee house we can go in. Come on, Starbucks, generic. But I should've known. We didn't find any other coffee house, so we went back to Starbucks. I ordered a small tea and he paid for it. Good manner. We sat, we talked. No real connection. He, just like the Starbucks we were sitting in, was generic. He may be what many people would spend money on, but it's not my cup of tea (ha!). The date lasted one hour, and we both seem to run out of topics at that point. We hugged, said good bye, and went our separate way.
He texted me three days later asking if I'd like to meet again. I honestly didn't think I'd hear from him again. I texted back two days later that I am pretty busy and if I can find time I'll drop him a line.
What I learned: business idea on model planes and remote controls.
No more communication.
He texted me three days later asking if I'd like to meet again. I honestly didn't think I'd hear from him again. I texted back two days later that I am pretty busy and if I can find time I'll drop him a line.
What I learned: business idea on model planes and remote controls.
No more communication.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Why?
My memories are fading so I want to write down the stories of my adventurous dating life in San Diego before I forget.
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