Dr. Boyfriend?

Dr. Clooney have to take the board exam this week, and I am out of town this week. Logistically it works out perfectly. He probably don't have time for dates. Yet for some reason I felt this guilt that I won't be around to send encouragement. Catholics step aside. The Chinese guilt can trump yours.

So when Dr. Clooney emailed me the day after our second date asking what he should do with the flowers he bought me, I conveniently suggested I'd bring him a present for his upcoming study in exchange. I know he has a sweet tooth, so I just wanted to bring him cupcakes. Partly good will, partly to ease my guilt.

Before I left my place I told myself over and over: I am not going to sleep with him tonight. I am NOT going to sleep with him tonight. So much for that. But I am a happy camper anyway.

Then Dr. Clooney referred to himself as my "boyfriend" in a sentence and asked if it's okay to use that term. I asked him what that meant for him. He said it meant that we are monogamous and we would see each other whenever we can. Isn't that what every girl wants to hear?

The woman inside was very happy about this DTR (defining of the relationship). The skeptic inside wondered if this was his way of not sounding like a sleazebag for seducing me. I am not exactly over the moon because:

1. I have had men who wanted to be monogamous with me very early on. It isn't any indication of the success rate of the relationship. The last time a guy wanted to be my boyfriend after the second date turned out to be a addict and clinically depressed. So I take this gesture with a grain of salt. After all, dopamine was running mad in his system when he uttered this. Only time will tell if he meant it.

2. I don't believe in a perfect mate. I don't know if these are red flags but definitely things I've observed that are perfect about him so far. Let me write them out for future reference:

a. When we were hiking up from the beach on our second date he didn't once looked back and make sure I am okay. Here we have an alpine climber and a weakling following. I don't know if I should stake that as a compliment because he so strongly believe in my strength, or as a dangerous sign that he isn't attentive. I attribute to the fact that he was the only child. As far as only child goes, I am the only one I've known who is more attentive to others. I behave like a middle child. Most only child are fairly self-centered and unattentive. On our third date he didn't ask me if I had eaten dinner when I arrived at his place at dinner time. I haven't. Later when I mentioned that I hadn't eaten dinner he didn't offer food or anything. I worry I'd become resentful to his unattentiveness.

b. Truth is, he isn't very inquisite about my life. One of the reasons why I fell in love with my ex was that he was inquisite about me: my life, my thoughts, and my opinions. I felt listened to when talking to my ex. I don't really felt listened to when I talk to Dr. Clooney. This is not a good sign after only three dates. I am putting this on notice.

I do believe that if two people are into each other, they shouldn't waste time dating around. Focus the time on each other and find out if they are truly compatible. If not, move on. So yes I will be monogamous with Dr. Clooney.

But when I call someone my boyfriend I consider the relationship serious. We are nowhere near that. So I will not call him my boyfriend willingly. He will be the guy I am seeing exclusively until otherwise notified. TGIASE. He will be Dr. TGIASE.

What I learned: resistance is useless.

Forth date: YES!