Lovable (?) Geek

I met Lovable (?) Geek on the free internet dating site. We had set a date before but I sort of cancelled last minute. These days I am not too motivated to date mostly because I am definitely not over Dr. TGIASE yet. But if a guy asks me out, I'd go out with him. I always award this behavior. Lovable (?) Geek is such a guy. Not too impressive of a profile, but he asked, and persisted, so I went on a coffee date. He's actually quite cute with a Filipino father and a white mother. He has some interesting family background but in general I didn't feel much chemistry. We don't seem to share much interest. He said he liked to read on his profile, but when asked couldn't tell me the most recent book he read. Another thing that annoys me is when guys ask me how I like that free internet dating site. Um, are we really out of topics to talk about, on a first date, that we have to talk about the dating site? I like it just fine, thank you very much. It's one of the many ways to meet men. It happens to be free. What more do you want? I guess I still have PMS - post menstrual syndrome. I should take this opportunity in the future and get a guy-perspective.

What I learned: the racial tension in the mid-west is usually constrained to white-black relationships. Other races are usually not the target.

Update: Lovable (?) Geek and I texted a few times back and forth. Meh. No sparks. Oh well.

Dog Owner

While I was trying to concentrate on Outdoor Man, I didn't have time to date others. But after I squared away with Outdoor Man, I was ready to see other people. Dog Owner happened to ask me to hang out again so we went for a nice walk with his two dogs. I found out that he's separated, has custody issues with the ex-wife about the dogs, almost divorced two years ago but stayed in the marriage. Dog Owner is a smart man, knows a lot. He's way too neurotic about his dogs. I am much more free-spirited than he is, and that's to say a lot. I forgive him though. He's definitely not ready to move on for a relationship, and I am not ready either. So this is a perfect match. We keep each other company, but no stress. Two dates and we didn't even kiss. Well I am okay with that. I will keep dating him for the dogs...

What I learned: early settlement in Chicago.

Outdoor Man

Today Outdoor Man and I went hiking in the Palomar Mountains. I wanted to hike there for a while since it may be closed by the State in June. This was the first Saturday I had enough time to drive there, hike, and drive back. Outdoor Man was very nice to be my guide, sacrificing his own outdoor event that I refused to go to. But I was still sick, and was still irritated from the night before. We hiked a short trail and sat down for a quick lunch. He held me tight, and started talking about what he liked in bed. I am usually very open about this. It's important for me to communicate what we expect in bed. But I'd prefer to talk about it after we at least have sex once. I don't want to introduce kinks before we could prove that we even have any sexual compatibility. To add to my irritation, he would say that he has a certain kink, and when I asked what exactly did he like to do with that kink, he just said something like: "oh just, you know, the general kind of stuff." Hello. If we were going to talk about what we like in bed, be fucking specific, okay? I don't know how to do "the general kind of stuff". I know how to tie you up and whip you, but is that "the general kind of stuff"? You can't even articulate your sexual preference? I think this was the point I decided that I wouldn't sleep with him. Maybe that's even the point I decided that it's over.

Compounding the fact was that I was burping like a man, so I didn't really feel like kissing him. He tried to kiss me so many times, and at the end I just dodged. Not a good sign.

Later that night my friends tried to convince me that I should give the nice guy a chance. I really should. But somehow there was just no chemistry for me.

He called a couple days later making plans for the next weekend. A man who plans ahead! Isn't this one of the qualities I love in men? A planner, a guy who doesn't put me on "stand by", a guy who actually wants to see me. Okay nice guy. I really need to ignore the lack of chemistry and give this guy a try. But I had already signed up for a volunteering thing Saturday morning, and he's busy Sunday. I had a friend who was going to go volunteer with me, so I didn't invite Outdoor Man along because I wasn't ready for him to meet my friends yet. But if he had asked, I'd have said yes. Maybe he didn't ask because he sensed that I didn't want him there? But the fact that he wasn't more interested in the event annoys me. It signaled that he only cared about *his* pleasure but ignored everything else around him. He then proceeded to suggest we go paddle boarding in the afternoon. I told him I would be very tired after the clean up and not up for strenuous activity. He sounded upset and didn't suggest anything else.

I know my responsibility here. I should have invited him to the volunteer event. I should have suggested a movie night instead. Guys need to get confirmation that we are interested. During the phone call I screamed "not interested".

The next day he emailed me and asked if I were more interested in being friends. I told him I wasn't ready to date him exclusively.

I am waiting to see if I want to see him after not seeing him for a while. I hope I want to see him but so far, not likely. I guess we are just friends then.

What I learned: what Indian grinding rock for grinding acorns look like.

Outdoor Man

Outdoor Man invited me to attend one of the outdoor events he usually go to. I wanted to do something else so I told him that. In a very sweet move he told me he'd rather to with me to hang out. Accommodating! After the last time we were communicating quite regularly. We talked or emailed every day. However, there was just no spark for me. I didn't look forward to his calls. It gave me very brief moment of pleasure when I saw his emails.

We had plans to watch a movie Friday night but I got sick over the week. I was going to cancel, but for whatever reason felt bad about it. So I went to dinner with him and watched the movie. It was awkward. We didn't seem to have anything to talk about besides the load down of what happened during the week. There wasn't any discussion over anything. I was annoyed dramatically. Later I realized that it must be the PMS talking. Once in a great while I get very emotional and irritable with PMS. The movie, The Island Presiden, was great. It talked about the environmental issue which I am very passionate about. It's also very inspirational what one person can accomplish if he/she truly believe in his/her cause. Outdoor Man, however, was most impressed by the scenery and the fact that he should visit before it sinks. He had nothing to say about the environmental issue nor the inspirations. I don't know. I just assume anyone who enjoys the outdoors would at least care about the environment a little. Outdoor Man strikes me as with no cause besides his own recreational interest.

It wasn't a very enjoyable night. At the end of it I didn't even try to get him in bed. I was sick, tired, emotional, irritable, and greatly annoyed.

What I learned: Maldives environmental issue and political background.

Outdoor Man

We are adding a new label of "fourth date" and I am not switching to boyfriend/girlfriend talk yet. It's good news!!! I am experimenting, and so far I like this pace. I find that I only have two modes: off and on. With Outdoor Man, I have to learn something in between, and it's very difficult.

After the surprise he texted me the next day to ask me out. I am a little reserved but I want to explore this more. We went on a nice off-trail hike in the dessert. I am pinpointing what about him that annoys me: the way he talks. He is not articulate. He will start sentences with "yeah" and drag his point on with "things like that". He will snicker for no apparent reasons: something funny is going through his head. I guess I am annoyed by all these because I do the exact same thing. Of course, these annoyances, compared to what Dr. TGIASE had, are insignificant, and definitely worth putting up with for an otherwise good man. See I am learning what are important and what aren't.

We didn't try to get in bed this time. I was worried to be disappointed again. I guess he's worried, too. In a sense he has lots of good qualities I enjoy: he likes the outside and knows his stuff; he likes to drive and has a car that can get us to places; he has a good career; he makes good money; he's good looking and tall; he and I have similar values; his actions seem to follow his words so far; most importantly, he's not in a huge transition in life. Things that may be deal-breakers: cat allergy (although claimed to be okay with non-drowsy medicine); has a pet that's not compatible with cats; and the issue in the bedroom.

We will wait and see. Will there be a fifth date?

What I learned: a new trail!

Outdoor Man

Since I have a rare night in town, the Outdoor Man asked me to hang out with him. This is a good sign. We are moving past the seeing each other once a week routine. I went over to his house after work, and we snuggled on the couch for a while. That was very nice. I am still not head-over-heel for him, but I consider that a good sign: I've only met this man for three times in my life; I shouldn't feel like I want to marry him. Slow is good. I want to go slow. However, I do want to find out how Outdoor Man is in bed sooner than later. That's a huge deal breaker for me if I don't enjoy the time together. I want to get to the bottom of that and cut him loose if it doesn't work out in bed. Well, let's just say that it didn't happen as planned. I was surprised that Outdoor Man did open up to me and explained certain things, but I was kind of disappointed. We went to dinner after, and it was awkward. He said he'd call, but I am not sure. We will see.

What I learned: I don't like Indian food because it's usually vegetarian.

Dog Owner

Finally I met a dog owner!! He also looks very good on paper. I was actually very excited about meeting him and had high hope. And you know how it goes: the higher the hope, the harder the disappointment. He's an okay-looking man, has a good job, mild-mannered, and has the dog I wanted. What bugged me was that he's not very opinionated. Everything I said, he agreed with. He didn't agree with me with his own supporting arguments, but simply repeated my arguments and agreed. He's also a bit neurotic, manifested in his taking a long time to order a beer and a burger, pestering the poor waiters with 100 questions. Dear God, an IPA is an IPA, it tastes shitty, so just get over it and order any one of them... I don't know. But I will probably keep dating him for the dog. Is that wrong?

A side note: going on two back-to-back dates on the same day is a little insane. What am I, racing an ultra marathon? I was just telling my friend that the prospect of having to date four guys is a bit grim and tiring. Then I reminded myself that these things usually have a way of working themselves out. You know the joke about men are like Bluetooth that they only connect with the closest while women are like Wifi that they only connect with the strongest? I don't need to worry. Only the strongest will survive.

What I learned: certain Catholic university doesn't provide birth control for its students. Nuts.

Gay Straight Guy

He is kind of bitchy, he is kind of hippy, he is kind of gay. But he said he's not, and he's spending the afternoon with me so I assume he's interested in having vagina sex? Maybe scratch the last part because Gay Straight Guy is currently unemployed and has been for a while. It's not polite for me to ask "how do you sustain yourself all this time" on a first date, right? He wasn't a big shot before this, so unless he's had some huge amount of inheritance, I don't see how he could have made it without a job for so long and still live in this very expensive neighborhood. Since he's jobless, spending an afternoon with me is just a time-killer. When asked what he had planned for his next move, he mumbled something about looking for a new path, yada yada yada. Oh and he's a vegetarian. And he's a pretty boy and he knows it. Nah.

What I learned: we found a nice new vegetarian restaurant that has decent food, and something about digital management rights.

Outdoor Man

I talked to Outdoor Man once during the week to schedule a date on the weekend. We decided to hike. Outdoor Man knows his outdoor stuff like Dr. TGIASE does. I like that. I wasn't sure at first so I wrote down all the detail directions to and for the hike, but Outdoor Man knew exactly where to go. Perfect. We didn't really have much else to talk about besides his interest in outdoor stuff and some TV shows. Nothing too intellectual. I was also very tired and not very excited about the date. But when Outdoor Man kissed me I felt something unlike the nothingness I felt when ADHD Daddy kissed me. So maybe it isn't me. Whatever it is about Outdoor Man, my body liked it. Normally I would probably stop seeing Outdoor Man completely because of the lack of "intellectual connection". But I am declaring the "intellectual connection" overrated and tiring. Like my friend puts it, I, too, just want a "lovable geek". Outdoor Man seems like a lovable geek. He's also taking this very slowly, just the way I want it. The big problem: Outdoor Man is allergic to cats. Hmmm. What to do, what to do.

What I learned: Yucca isn't the same as Yuca (Cassava).