Dr. Clooney have to take the board exam this week, and I am out of town this week. Logistically it works out perfectly. He probably don't have time for dates. Yet for some reason I felt this guilt that I won't be around to send encouragement. Catholics step aside. The Chinese guilt can trump yours.
So when Dr. Clooney emailed me the day after our second date asking what he should do with the flowers he bought me, I conveniently suggested I'd bring him a present for his upcoming study in exchange. I know he has a sweet tooth, so I just wanted to bring him cupcakes. Partly good will, partly to ease my guilt.
Before I left my place I told myself over and over: I am not going to sleep with him tonight. I am NOT going to sleep with him tonight. So much for that. But I am a happy camper anyway.
Then Dr. Clooney referred to himself as my "boyfriend" in a sentence and asked if it's okay to use that term. I asked him what that meant for him. He said it meant that we are monogamous and we would see each other whenever we can. Isn't that what every girl wants to hear?
The woman inside was very happy about this DTR (defining of the relationship). The skeptic inside wondered if this was his way of not sounding like a sleazebag for seducing me. I am not exactly over the moon because:
1. I have had men who wanted to be monogamous with me very early on. It isn't any indication of the success rate of the relationship. The last time a guy wanted to be my boyfriend after the second date turned out to be a addict and clinically depressed. So I take this gesture with a grain of salt. After all, dopamine was running mad in his system when he uttered this. Only time will tell if he meant it.
2. I don't believe in a perfect mate. I don't know if these are red flags but definitely things I've observed that are perfect about him so far. Let me write them out for future reference:
a. When we were hiking up from the beach on our second date he didn't once looked back and make sure I am okay. Here we have an alpine climber and a weakling following. I don't know if I should stake that as a compliment because he so strongly believe in my strength, or as a dangerous sign that he isn't attentive. I attribute to the fact that he was the only child. As far as only child goes, I am the only one I've known who is more attentive to others. I behave like a middle child. Most only child are fairly self-centered and unattentive. On our third date he didn't ask me if I had eaten dinner when I arrived at his place at dinner time. I haven't. Later when I mentioned that I hadn't eaten dinner he didn't offer food or anything. I worry I'd become resentful to his unattentiveness.
b. Truth is, he isn't very inquisite about my life. One of the reasons why I fell in love with my ex was that he was inquisite about me: my life, my thoughts, and my opinions. I felt listened to when talking to my ex. I don't really felt listened to when I talk to Dr. Clooney. This is not a good sign after only three dates. I am putting this on notice.
I do believe that if two people are into each other, they shouldn't waste time dating around. Focus the time on each other and find out if they are truly compatible. If not, move on. So yes I will be monogamous with Dr. Clooney.
But when I call someone my boyfriend I consider the relationship serious. We are nowhere near that. So I will not call him my boyfriend willingly. He will be the guy I am seeing exclusively until otherwise notified. TGIASE. He will be Dr. TGIASE.
What I learned: resistance is useless.
Forth date: YES!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Dr. Clooney
Dr. Clooney is studying for his first borad exam; I am working a traveling full-time job while taking two classes. Neither of us have lots of free time. But we both want to spend time with each other. That's a good sign.
To be honest, as smitten as I was after the first date, I didn't really believe this was real. There are probably a total of three single intellectually stimulating guys who are financially viable and active and good looking in San Diego. The rest of them are just your typical dude-speaking surfing frat boys. What are the chances I met one of the three guys?? Is he a serial killer?? Is he going to disappear on me like so many seemingly great guys have? I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because of this, I kept resisting liking him too much.
Dr. Clooney called me the day after our first date. I was busy when he called so I didn't pick up the phone. At night I figured even if he's not real, I should still call back. I was anxious. I hate talking on the phone in general, and with Dr. Clooney I had performance anxiety. But I called anyway. He didn't pick up, and I had a mixed feeling of relief, disappointment, and "of course, he's not real". But he called back 5 minutes later. So we talked. It had its awkward moments, but we were on the phone for over an hour. I always measure a guy based on how long I can talk to him on the phone. All my long-term ex's I was able to talk on the phone with them for hours. This is a good sign.
So we decided on a Thai restaurant for our second date. I arrived at 6pm, walked up to the restaurant, and didn't see him. So I sat in the car, figured that rush hour traffic is probably holding him up. Then at 6:15pm I wondered if I was being stood up. Again, I had that mixture of feeling relieved, disappointed, and "of course, he's not real". Just as I was ready to call it a night and go home and study, he texted me then and asked me if everything was ok. Turned out he was sitting at the corner of the restaurant and I didn't see him the first time.
We proceeded to a walk on the beach and coffee. Did I seriously just go on a 5.5-hour second date with one of the only three great men in San Diego? When the hell is the other shoe going to drop? Am I still alive?
At the end of the night he asked me to go home with him and stay over. I really wanted to. Yes the one of the only three great men in San Diego is also very sexy. But I am doing a personal experiment these days to see if I can be less attached to a guy if I don't sleep with him too early on. Especially with a guy I still don't believe is real, I've got to protect my heart in case he just disappears in the wind. Having too much oxytocin in my system this early on is unwise. And I told him that. He seemed to take it well. So the other shoe didn't drop... Okay Dr. Clooney, let's have it, what the hell is wrong with you that you are available????
What I learned: pheromone aren't detectable in human (I am skeptical about this medical claim even when it comes from a physician-to-be).
Third date: scheduled.
To be honest, as smitten as I was after the first date, I didn't really believe this was real. There are probably a total of three single intellectually stimulating guys who are financially viable and active and good looking in San Diego. The rest of them are just your typical dude-speaking surfing frat boys. What are the chances I met one of the three guys?? Is he a serial killer?? Is he going to disappear on me like so many seemingly great guys have? I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because of this, I kept resisting liking him too much.
Dr. Clooney called me the day after our first date. I was busy when he called so I didn't pick up the phone. At night I figured even if he's not real, I should still call back. I was anxious. I hate talking on the phone in general, and with Dr. Clooney I had performance anxiety. But I called anyway. He didn't pick up, and I had a mixed feeling of relief, disappointment, and "of course, he's not real". But he called back 5 minutes later. So we talked. It had its awkward moments, but we were on the phone for over an hour. I always measure a guy based on how long I can talk to him on the phone. All my long-term ex's I was able to talk on the phone with them for hours. This is a good sign.
So we decided on a Thai restaurant for our second date. I arrived at 6pm, walked up to the restaurant, and didn't see him. So I sat in the car, figured that rush hour traffic is probably holding him up. Then at 6:15pm I wondered if I was being stood up. Again, I had that mixture of feeling relieved, disappointed, and "of course, he's not real". Just as I was ready to call it a night and go home and study, he texted me then and asked me if everything was ok. Turned out he was sitting at the corner of the restaurant and I didn't see him the first time.
We proceeded to a walk on the beach and coffee. Did I seriously just go on a 5.5-hour second date with one of the only three great men in San Diego? When the hell is the other shoe going to drop? Am I still alive?
At the end of the night he asked me to go home with him and stay over. I really wanted to. Yes the one of the only three great men in San Diego is also very sexy. But I am doing a personal experiment these days to see if I can be less attached to a guy if I don't sleep with him too early on. Especially with a guy I still don't believe is real, I've got to protect my heart in case he just disappears in the wind. Having too much oxytocin in my system this early on is unwise. And I told him that. He seemed to take it well. So the other shoe didn't drop... Okay Dr. Clooney, let's have it, what the hell is wrong with you that you are available????
What I learned: pheromone aren't detectable in human (I am skeptical about this medical claim even when it comes from a physician-to-be).
Third date: scheduled.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Dr. Clooney
Yes, this man will be a medical doctor one day.
No he is not 25. He's had a career before this.
Yes when he looks at me a certain way he looks just like George Clooney.
No these aren't the only reasons why I think he is awesome.
I met Dr. Clooney on the free internet dating site. I don't remember how I came across his profile. His profile picture is a bit blurry but I thought he looked like 劉清雲. His profile was nicely written.
When I come across an internet dating profile, I look at the main profile picture. If it's not terrible, I proceed to read the profile without looking at the rest of the pictures. If main profile picture is terrible or shows skin - I can't believe how many guys put their bare abdominal as the main profile pictures - I will see if this guy has some other pictures that are more representative. If I like how a guy's profile is written, I will also take a look at the other pictures. You know, just to make sure the face/body matches the brain.
I haven't worked out the exact science yet, but there are three general profiles categories:
1. The shallow-ish profiles where a guy lists out his favorite bands/movies/activities etc but nothing profound. If I don't go "hmmm" when reading the guy's profile, it falls in this category. I usually don't message these guys. If they message me I will oblige to see if I can dig something out.
2. The perfect profiles where after I read the profile I go: this man sounds perfect. However, I often don't know what to write in a message to him because all I can think of is "hey I feel the same way about everything you've written". It just sounds cheesy and too good to be true. I usually don't message these guys either. If they message me I am happy to have a discussion.
3. The profiles that are profound but also revealing, but also leaving a little room that intrigues me to find out more. Dr. Clooney's profile falls under this category. I liked what I read; I went "hmmm" a few times; and I have questions after I read the profiles. So I sent him a message.
My experience with online dating is that 95% of the time when I initiate contact, I don't get any reply back. When I asked my male friends about this they were always surprised. One of my friends asked me if I message guys too out of my league. I don't know. Maybe? The other 5% when I do get a reply, the guy usually just answer my questions but doesn't ask me any question back. Obviously he's courteous but he didn't find anything interesting to say about me. I have never actually went on dates with anyone I initiated contact with.
Dr. Clooney is the first one. I messaged him first; he replied with questions. We emailed each other a few times. He said he'd like to experience Oktoberfest, and I hinted that if he needed company I am willing and able to go. So we went on our first date to Oktoberfest. Does that mean I actually asked this guy out? Wow... I am so proud of myself right now.
First impression of Dr. Clooney? He's a bit shorter and stockier than my usual type, but I am not too focused on physical attributes. Does he have the intellects and characters and personality to make up for it? Well he does. He's very forward and constantly tells me how he feels about me. I can't tell if that's just what he does on every date, but it doesn't matter. That's for me to find out in the long term. In the short term I like to deal with a guy who's open about their feelings. If my last boyfriend was Mr. Big, Dr. Clooney is Aidan. I was caught off guard that I didn't have to sell my own kidney to extract a good word from this guy.
After Oktoberfest we went to walk around South Park. We sat on a street bench for hours and just talked and made out. This was probably the longest first date I've been on: a whooping 5.5 hours. Dr. Clooney seem interested, open, available, very smart, confident. All that plus his manners relieve a lot of my anxieties. I felt grounded on the date. I didn't feel the butterflies in my stomach like I felt with Mr. Sparks, but I now believe the butterflies were just a rush I got from figuring something out of a closed man. Dr. Clooney isn't a closed man.
What I learned: My learning style is visual.
Second date: he already asked me.
No he is not 25. He's had a career before this.
Yes when he looks at me a certain way he looks just like George Clooney.
No these aren't the only reasons why I think he is awesome.
I met Dr. Clooney on the free internet dating site. I don't remember how I came across his profile. His profile picture is a bit blurry but I thought he looked like 劉清雲. His profile was nicely written.
When I come across an internet dating profile, I look at the main profile picture. If it's not terrible, I proceed to read the profile without looking at the rest of the pictures. If main profile picture is terrible or shows skin - I can't believe how many guys put their bare abdominal as the main profile pictures - I will see if this guy has some other pictures that are more representative. If I like how a guy's profile is written, I will also take a look at the other pictures. You know, just to make sure the face/body matches the brain.
I haven't worked out the exact science yet, but there are three general profiles categories:
1. The shallow-ish profiles where a guy lists out his favorite bands/movies/activities etc but nothing profound. If I don't go "hmmm" when reading the guy's profile, it falls in this category. I usually don't message these guys. If they message me I will oblige to see if I can dig something out.
2. The perfect profiles where after I read the profile I go: this man sounds perfect. However, I often don't know what to write in a message to him because all I can think of is "hey I feel the same way about everything you've written". It just sounds cheesy and too good to be true. I usually don't message these guys either. If they message me I am happy to have a discussion.
3. The profiles that are profound but also revealing, but also leaving a little room that intrigues me to find out more. Dr. Clooney's profile falls under this category. I liked what I read; I went "hmmm" a few times; and I have questions after I read the profiles. So I sent him a message.
My experience with online dating is that 95% of the time when I initiate contact, I don't get any reply back. When I asked my male friends about this they were always surprised. One of my friends asked me if I message guys too out of my league. I don't know. Maybe? The other 5% when I do get a reply, the guy usually just answer my questions but doesn't ask me any question back. Obviously he's courteous but he didn't find anything interesting to say about me. I have never actually went on dates with anyone I initiated contact with.
Dr. Clooney is the first one. I messaged him first; he replied with questions. We emailed each other a few times. He said he'd like to experience Oktoberfest, and I hinted that if he needed company I am willing and able to go. So we went on our first date to Oktoberfest. Does that mean I actually asked this guy out? Wow... I am so proud of myself right now.
First impression of Dr. Clooney? He's a bit shorter and stockier than my usual type, but I am not too focused on physical attributes. Does he have the intellects and characters and personality to make up for it? Well he does. He's very forward and constantly tells me how he feels about me. I can't tell if that's just what he does on every date, but it doesn't matter. That's for me to find out in the long term. In the short term I like to deal with a guy who's open about their feelings. If my last boyfriend was Mr. Big, Dr. Clooney is Aidan. I was caught off guard that I didn't have to sell my own kidney to extract a good word from this guy.
After Oktoberfest we went to walk around South Park. We sat on a street bench for hours and just talked and made out. This was probably the longest first date I've been on: a whooping 5.5 hours. Dr. Clooney seem interested, open, available, very smart, confident. All that plus his manners relieve a lot of my anxieties. I felt grounded on the date. I didn't feel the butterflies in my stomach like I felt with Mr. Sparks, but I now believe the butterflies were just a rush I got from figuring something out of a closed man. Dr. Clooney isn't a closed man.
What I learned: My learning style is visual.
Second date: he already asked me.
Monday, October 3, 2011
The Man Who Spilled His Guts
Well more like he spilled his family stories. There is a Chinese saying 家醜不外揚, you keep your family mess to yourself. But The Man Who Spilled His Guts did just the opposite. In the hour-long lunch date I learned about his sister's marriage, his brother-in-law's alcoholic problem, his parents' marital problem, his brother's family issue. I imagine this is what watching Jersey Shore is like because I kept thinking: "are you for real? This happened? That happened??"
I met The Man Who Spilled His Guts on the free internet dating site. Our communication follows this pattern: blah blah blah OMG he said something so intelligent blah blah blah OMG that's insightful. He has his moments but inconsistent. We met at a burger joint that I wanted to try forever. He talked the entire time. The date was like listening someone narrates a soap opera while he pays for lunch. I like stories.
After the date he walked me to my car, and he sort of made fun of the size of my car. At that point my interest level was fairly low as in I don't mind hanging out with him again and listen to crazy stories if I am not seeing anyone. So I didn't even have enough respect for him to say anything back about his insult on my car. Why bother? My wiseass comments are for people who get them.
He's been texting me and trying to ask me out again. I haven't had the time. First I met this other awesome guy (more about that later). Secondly school + work is taking up my life. I didn't tell him to get lost. In fact, I still want to hear more crazy stories. I just told him I have no time right now. He's quite understanding. But even in our texting he will sneak in small insults about things. I am usually very good at insult comedy, giving or taking. But one has to know the object of insult very well to do insult comedy right. This guy isn't doing insult comedy; he insults me because he just doesn't get me.
So for now, he's on the back burner.
What I learned: the rehab doesn't automatically find you a half-way house.
Second date: I don't know...
*Update* since Dr. TGIASE and I decided to be exclusive, I didn't return the one message The Man Who Spilled His Guts sent to me. He never sent me another message. No more communication.
I met The Man Who Spilled His Guts on the free internet dating site. Our communication follows this pattern: blah blah blah OMG he said something so intelligent blah blah blah OMG that's insightful. He has his moments but inconsistent. We met at a burger joint that I wanted to try forever. He talked the entire time. The date was like listening someone narrates a soap opera while he pays for lunch. I like stories.
After the date he walked me to my car, and he sort of made fun of the size of my car. At that point my interest level was fairly low as in I don't mind hanging out with him again and listen to crazy stories if I am not seeing anyone. So I didn't even have enough respect for him to say anything back about his insult on my car. Why bother? My wiseass comments are for people who get them.
He's been texting me and trying to ask me out again. I haven't had the time. First I met this other awesome guy (more about that later). Secondly school + work is taking up my life. I didn't tell him to get lost. In fact, I still want to hear more crazy stories. I just told him I have no time right now. He's quite understanding. But even in our texting he will sneak in small insults about things. I am usually very good at insult comedy, giving or taking. But one has to know the object of insult very well to do insult comedy right. This guy isn't doing insult comedy; he insults me because he just doesn't get me.
So for now, he's on the back burner.
What I learned: the rehab doesn't automatically find you a half-way house.
Second date: I don't know...
*Update* since Dr. TGIASE and I decided to be exclusive, I didn't return the one message The Man Who Spilled His Guts sent to me. He never sent me another message. No more communication.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Mr. ONS
I define One Night Stand as sex with someone I randomly pick up. There was no pretense of a date. Just sex. Before this I had only one ONS. In Boston. Right after the last last breakup. It's just not my thing. Too much risk involved and usually not enough reward.
A college friend was coming to visit so a bunch of us went to a downtown Jazz bar. At the end of the night we were walking towards the car when this tall and handsome guy walked alongside us. I batted my eyes at him, and he responded. I was mostly trying to practice my flirting skills because apparently I don't give off a very strong "I am interested" signal. I didn't expect it to go anywhere but he followed us. I opened the gate to my flirts reservoir and boom, I was kissing this handsome tall guy on the street while he got my phone number. So my problem isn't that I didn't know how to flirt. I always thought talking to men about starting a business or some philosophical debate was flirting. Apparently to guys flirting is just batting eyes and leaning towards them. Pffft.
Well that was that for Mr. ONS. ONS. Meh.
What I learned: I know how to flirt.
No more communication.
A college friend was coming to visit so a bunch of us went to a downtown Jazz bar. At the end of the night we were walking towards the car when this tall and handsome guy walked alongside us. I batted my eyes at him, and he responded. I was mostly trying to practice my flirting skills because apparently I don't give off a very strong "I am interested" signal. I didn't expect it to go anywhere but he followed us. I opened the gate to my flirts reservoir and boom, I was kissing this handsome tall guy on the street while he got my phone number. So my problem isn't that I didn't know how to flirt. I always thought talking to men about starting a business or some philosophical debate was flirting. Apparently to guys flirting is just batting eyes and leaning towards them. Pffft.
Well that was that for Mr. ONS. ONS. Meh.
What I learned: I know how to flirt.
No more communication.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)