Twenty Nine

I set my age filter for 29 - 50 just in case the only mature 29-year old ends up finding me.  This 29-year old isn't it. However, I went out with Twenty Nine the day after Mr. China and I had a grand ol' time. It's good to know that the problem with Mr. China wasn't that I was burnt out on dates. There just wasn't any chemistry. Chemistry, it's such a mystery.

Twenty Nine is tall, skinny, handsome, cheerful, and nice. I met him on the aforementioned free internet dating site. Through messaging I noticed that he's very pure. It's a nicer way to say "inexperience in life". That's generally the idea I got after meeting him. We met at a small neighborhood bar. I arrived early so I bought myself a beer. He's intelligent but just isn't "seasoned" enough for my taste. It's a nice change from the bitter and angry men I've dated though. The night felt like I was chatting with my younger brother, hearing his "adventures" and giving him advice on things. I was rather reserved about my life simply because I felt this imbalance in life experience. An hour passed rather quickly and painlessly. If Twenty Nine asks me out again I think I'd like to see him again. A date with Twenty Nine is like a R&R from the dating life.

What I learned: everything one needs to know about bowling.

Second date: unknown but willing if asked.

**Update: about 4 weeks later I got this text. Apparently I had already erased his number. He asked me to go bowling with him. I just said I was busy. WTH? Oh well.

Mr. China

I met Mr. China on the aforementioned free internet dating site. In person Mr. China looked exactly like Michael Weston in Burn Notice. It was surprising because his pictures didn't show it. That's all I can think about the entire date. This shows that having a very handsome face can be distracting.

I suggested a coffee or beer, but Mr. China picked a restaurant for dinner. I didn't know the restaurant but from the name it seems like a reasonably-priced restaurant so I agreed. I was trying to avoid the expensive dinner repeat of Business Man.

Mr. China grew up in the midwest but fell in love with China. He's been to more places in China than I have, and can speak Mandarine fairly well. He seem like the giving kind, talking about his volunteering and giving at Chinese orphanage. Tall, white, fit, handsome, loves China and its culture, and loves giving. A perfect match for me, you say? I really wanted so. But alas, there was no connection nor chemistry. I suspected three reasons:

1) I am burnt out on first dates. I've had first dates every single night for a few nights straight.

2) I suspected Mr. China's love affair with China isn't so much about China but about his need to escape his reality, and China just happened to be the escaping tool. This reminded me of one of my ex-boyfriends who used camping to escape reality. On the surface it seemed like such a good quality, but dig deeper one sees the skeleton.

3) I don't like Chinese guy for a reason. Mr. China is white on the outside and yellow on the inside. If I were to date a guy yellow on the inside I might as well find a Chinese Chinese to please my family. Maybe that'd give me a chance at some inheritance....

When the check came I kind of panic. Should I have offered to go dutch? Or would it offend him? I sat and did nothing. Mr. China paid for dinner. I console myself: he picked the restaurant, and I ordered something that's relatively cheap...

At the end of the date I believe neither of us felt the need to ever see each other again. He didn't say "let's do this again". So be it. Good bye Mr. China. Good by Michael Weston.

What I learned: how not to stand out as an American in China.

No more communication.

Business Man

Business Man is the first date I've gotten from a paid internet dating site. After we messaged each other he called me several times. I never picked up the phone and explained to him I didn't like chatting on the phone, especially with someone I've never met. I suggested coffee. We met for a walk around the bay.

First impression: he's a lot heavier than I thought. I kept imagining having to see him naked and it wasn't appetizing. We walked and talked for an hour. No real connection, but he happened to know some business stuff I was dying to find out. I was going to excuse myself after the walk because I needed to go buy some Chinese groceries. But he suggested a restaurant for dinner next to such grocer. I can't really use my excuse so I agreed to dinner. I was also mildly impressed that he picked a real Chinese restaurant.

I was quite impressed that the staff at the restaurant knew him. Apparently he brought a lot of business dinners there, maybe dates, too. I let him order and we had a nice dinner. The bill came out to be very expensive. I didn't offer to pay because: 1) he ordered the food. 2) he seems like the old fashion type that'd be offended if I offered.

Date ended with a hug and I drove off while he watched me. I felt bad for having such an expensive dinner. Now I have a dilemma. I hope he doesn't ask for a second date because there wasn't a connection. However, I do hope I can take him out for food to "repay" him so I don't feel indebted. I console myself that I offered my exquisite company, and got a free meal in return...

What I learned: business stuff.

Second date: to be or not to be...

**Update: he called me once and emailed me once. I got too busy and didn't reply. And he stopped. So there. No more Hamlet.

Mr. Sparks

I met Mr. Sparks on the aforementioned free internet dating site. His profile was funny but he came off somewhat bitter and asshole-ish. Just got out of a relationship with an asshole-ish guy I was a little alarmed. But sparks flew in our messages and we agreed to meet for a hike.

This was the date I really looked forward to. At the same time, I was very concerned that I am drawn to assholes.

We met at the trail head. He brought me a water. Very considerate. He looked just like his pictures, fit, handsome, and sharp. We hiked and talked. Sparks flew. We went for soda and sat and talked. Sparks flew. Time flew. He asked if I was hungry. Of course I was, and I was so happy that he decided to continue the date three hours into it. He suggested one of my favorite eateries (I never mentioned that's one of my favorite) so big points there. We met at the eatery and talked for another two hours. Sparks flew.

We said goodbye. He gave me a hug. I hugged him real tight. He said we should do this again. Then we parted ways. I can still feel the butterflies in my stomach. By the way, he paid for pizza. Good manners.

The next day he sent me an email with some information on a seminar he had mentioned, and I emailed back with some information on cooking I had mentioned. That was the last communication. It's been three days since we met. I certainly hope we will see each other again. But I am going to wait for him to contact me. Or should I? Hmmm.

What I learned: business networking resource.

Wishing hard for a second date.

Old Guy

To be fair, my last boyfriend was in his late forties. But my last boyfriend looked and acted like he was in his thirties.

Old guy is in his late forties and I met him on the aforementioned free internet dating site. He definitely looked like he's in his forties. We met at a coffee house. I arrived early so I bought myself a cup of tea. We chatted for an hour. Conversation was similar to that of Mr. Generic except Mr. Generic was much more pleasing on the eyes. At the end of the date Old Guy wanted to kiss me, but I gave him the cheek.

He texted me the next day telling me he enjoyed our time and would like to see me again. I agreed for two reasons: 1) I am trying to give my dates and myself a second chance to strike a connection. 2) For sentimental reasons for my ex-boyfriend of the same age I want to give Old Guy another chance. The next date will be a movie and a dinner. We shall see.

What I learned: the new way of making airplanes.

Second date pending. Not excited.

Married Guy

Oh don't worry. He's in an open relationship, and I called and met a woman who is supposedly his wife to verify it. I believe him. Why would he lie about being in an open relationship? He could have just told me he's single. We met on the aforementioned free internet dating site.

I have heard a lot about open relationships from Dan Savage, so I am curious to talk to Married Guy about it. We were going to meet in a week because of my impending huge project, but he was relentless - in a non-creepy way, much different than Mr. Needy - so I agreed to a quick date. We met at a wine bar. I arrived early so I bought myself a glass of wine.

We talked a lot about monogamy, open relationships, sexual adventures or the lack of. It was informative. Since I knew this wasn't going to go anywhere, I was more open to physical contact. It was funny that one of my acquaintances was in the same wine bar with her friends. When she and I were alone she asked me if this was the "open relationship guy" on that free internet dating site. Apparently he gets around and have messaged all women in San Diego...

We moved the date from the wine bar to my apartment. I don't know. I wanted to get some actions on. I figured why wait. It's not like I'd want a second date. The action was safe and fine. He left.

I didn't expect him to ask me out again. Even if he did I wasn't sure if I'd want to. A sex buddy is a bad idea for a woman, so a one-time deal is fine. But I did expect some sort of communication from him. See why a sex buddy would never work? After one night the woman is already attached enough to want to hear from the guy again, even though she knew there's no future.

When four days went by and no communication from him, I wrote him a nice and quick message. In essence I told him that I expected some sort of communication from him. That's just good manner. But I understand what it meant with no communication. The message was more for my own sake. It was my "closure". Again, another reason to not have a sex buddy. I needed "closure" after one night... Also, I promised that I wouldn't let guys get away with this kind of crap anymore. At least I called him out on it.

He sent back a nice enough message apologizing and explaining why he didn't want to meet me again. Cordial.

Now that I think about it, there would be a reason why he would say he's in an open relationship than to say he's single. First it attracts a certain type of women, maybe the type who want to have some actions but no consequences. Secondly it disarms women. I would never sleep with a guy on a first date unless I knew for sure there's no future. By not presenting a future option, Married Guy can rope in many sex on first dates. Either way, I am not hurting his family so I can sleep at night. I got what I wanted; he got what he wanted. It was almost a win-win situation.

What I learned: you can use Groupons for its face value after it expires.

No more communication.

Mr. Needy

I met Mr. Needy on aforementioned free internet dating site. Through the messages there were certain sparks. We met at my favorite neighborhood bar. I arrived early so I bought myself a beer. He's a little stockier than I like but okay looking. He didn't seem too inquisite about my life. He talked a lot about himself. After beer he bought me tacos for dinner. Nice manner. I didn't feel a real connection. It felt like I just hung out with an acquaintance. It was cordial, conversational, nice, but it wasn't memorable. I walked to the neighborhood bar and he insisted driving me home. We kissed in the car. He's not a good kisser so strike number two.

The next day he texted me to ask me out again. I had a huge project coming up so I told him in a week or so I'll have some free time. He really wanted to see me the next day. Throughout the weekend he kept texting me and asking me out. At one point he used the phrase "I insist". I was put off. First, I had just told him I had a huge project coming up. He didn't ask a single thing about this important project but just kept asking me out. Second, five text messages after I had said no is a little creepy.

I believe Mr. Needy is very lonely. He found someone who would patiently listen to him talk, and he fell in love with that. That someone could be me, a listening robot, or God. It just happened to be me, and I am pretty ;-P

After being ignored, Mr. Needy sent me an email apologizing for being needy and inconsiderate. Well, at least he's self-aware. I thanked him, and told him we will re-evaluate after he backs off. It's been five days and he had only sent me one email. I think I may just meet him again for funzies.

What I learned: a certain electronic company's plan to develop something.

Second date pending. Not excited.

Mr. Generic

He was the first date after a messy break up. We met on a free internet dating site. There wasn't much messaging back and forth. He asked if I'd like to meet coffee; I said yes. He suggested Starbucks. When we met at Starbucks I asked him if we could walk around the block to see if there's other coffee house we can go in. Come on, Starbucks, generic. But I should've known. We didn't find any other coffee house, so we went back to Starbucks. I ordered a small tea and he paid for it. Good manner. We sat, we talked. No real connection. He, just like the Starbucks we were sitting in, was generic. He may be what many people would spend money on, but it's not my cup of tea (ha!). The date lasted one hour, and we both seem to run out of topics at that point. We hugged, said good bye, and went our separate way.

He texted me three days later asking if I'd like to meet again. I honestly didn't think I'd hear from him again. I texted back two days later that I am pretty busy and if I can find time I'll drop him a line.

What I learned: business idea on model planes and remote controls.

No more communication.

Why?

My memories are fading so I want to write down the stories of my adventurous dating life in San Diego before I forget.