Outdoor Man

Today Outdoor Man and I went hiking in the Palomar Mountains. I wanted to hike there for a while since it may be closed by the State in June. This was the first Saturday I had enough time to drive there, hike, and drive back. Outdoor Man was very nice to be my guide, sacrificing his own outdoor event that I refused to go to. But I was still sick, and was still irritated from the night before. We hiked a short trail and sat down for a quick lunch. He held me tight, and started talking about what he liked in bed. I am usually very open about this. It's important for me to communicate what we expect in bed. But I'd prefer to talk about it after we at least have sex once. I don't want to introduce kinks before we could prove that we even have any sexual compatibility. To add to my irritation, he would say that he has a certain kink, and when I asked what exactly did he like to do with that kink, he just said something like: "oh just, you know, the general kind of stuff." Hello. If we were going to talk about what we like in bed, be fucking specific, okay? I don't know how to do "the general kind of stuff". I know how to tie you up and whip you, but is that "the general kind of stuff"? You can't even articulate your sexual preference? I think this was the point I decided that I wouldn't sleep with him. Maybe that's even the point I decided that it's over.

Compounding the fact was that I was burping like a man, so I didn't really feel like kissing him. He tried to kiss me so many times, and at the end I just dodged. Not a good sign.

Later that night my friends tried to convince me that I should give the nice guy a chance. I really should. But somehow there was just no chemistry for me.

He called a couple days later making plans for the next weekend. A man who plans ahead! Isn't this one of the qualities I love in men? A planner, a guy who doesn't put me on "stand by", a guy who actually wants to see me. Okay nice guy. I really need to ignore the lack of chemistry and give this guy a try. But I had already signed up for a volunteering thing Saturday morning, and he's busy Sunday. I had a friend who was going to go volunteer with me, so I didn't invite Outdoor Man along because I wasn't ready for him to meet my friends yet. But if he had asked, I'd have said yes. Maybe he didn't ask because he sensed that I didn't want him there? But the fact that he wasn't more interested in the event annoys me. It signaled that he only cared about *his* pleasure but ignored everything else around him. He then proceeded to suggest we go paddle boarding in the afternoon. I told him I would be very tired after the clean up and not up for strenuous activity. He sounded upset and didn't suggest anything else.

I know my responsibility here. I should have invited him to the volunteer event. I should have suggested a movie night instead. Guys need to get confirmation that we are interested. During the phone call I screamed "not interested".

The next day he emailed me and asked if I were more interested in being friends. I told him I wasn't ready to date him exclusively.

I am waiting to see if I want to see him after not seeing him for a while. I hope I want to see him but so far, not likely. I guess we are just friends then.

What I learned: what Indian grinding rock for grinding acorns look like.